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It is that time of year when we gear up for some bad winter weather and Arlington County, Virginia, is as prepared as anyone to clear snow and block people’s driveways with a fleet of newly named snow plows.

If the Internet has taught us anything over the years, it’s that the general public can’t always be trusted to name things, but Arlington County decided to let people name these new plows.

Much to my disappointment, “Mr. Plow” didn’t make the cut (although neither did “Plow King;” no one in Arlington County must have ever seen that episode), but there were homages to Alex Ovechkin, Taylor Swift, and even the most famous of all crowd-sourcing-named vehicles, Boaty McBoatface.

So, take a gander at the list, and then let’s power (plow-er?) rank these puppies:

Alright, pick your favorites… but now here’s the very important, definitive ranking of Arlington County, Virginia snow plow names:

8. Elvis Plowsley – I love a tip of the cap to the King of Rock and Roll as much as anyone, but of all of the names, that is by far the one that feels the most forced. The word “plow” doesn’t fit that well within the name Presley. I would actually prefer “Plowvis Pressley,” but they didn’t ask me… at least not this year/// maybe next year.

7. Plow Force One – Much like Elvis Plowsley, this name felt like they just took a verbal shoehorn and crammed the word “plow” into something. “Plow Force One?” I mean, if that’s what we’re doing you can take anything and plow-ify it? Why not “Kurt Co-Plow,” “Plow-blo Picasso,” or “The Artist Formerly Known as ‘Plow.'”

6. Fast And Flurrious – Now this is where I need to hand it to the good people of Arlington County because now that we have the two clunkers out of the way, I think you can make a case for any of the names left on the list being good. My only problem with “Fast And Flurrious” is that you don’t typically need a snow plow for a flurry.

Not a bad name, it’s just me being a literal douche.

5. Smithsnownian – we’ve got a little local flavor here with the Smithsonian Institute based in nearby Washington DC. It’s a good name in its own right, and I think I just like it because I went to the National Air and Space Museum once, and it was pretty kick-ass. Apollo 11 capsule and the Spirit of St. Louis? Sign me up!

4. Taylor Drift – By now, I’m sure you’ve picked up on how this is more or less an exercise in word association, and that’s why I’ve got to hand it to the Arlingtonians for coming up with “Drift.” That’s an overlooked snow word, and tying this plow in with one of the biggest popstars on this here space rock we call Earth is a smart move.

Better yet, they won’t cut to this plow non-stop when you’re trying to watch a football game.

3. Alex Snowvechkin – Washington Capitals captain Alex Ovechkin has earned himself many accolades and is on the verge of becoming the NHL’s leading goalscorer. Now, he’s been bestowed the distinct honor of having an Arlington County snowplow named after him. Can Wayne Gretzky say that?

No, but there are probably a couple of plows in the Edmonton area named after him. They’ve got a lot of plows up there.

2. Melton John – This one almost brought me to my feet and brought a tear to my eye. What a send-off for a living legend whose farewell tour feels like it has been going on for a decade and a half.

And clever as hell too. They could have easily gone with “Elton Plow” but that’s too pedestrian for the folks of Arlington County. 

This would be the easy number one if it wasn’t for…

1. Plowy McPlowface – As a traditionalist by nature, I’ve got to hand it to this one. The most famous instance of letting the public name something, and it will never not make me laugh.

Boaty McBoatface sailed so that Plowy McPlowface could plow the streets of Arlington County, Virginia.