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WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Supreme Court of the United States is bringing its many decades of collective legal experience to bear as it carefully considers whether a guy slicing body parts off of children with a giant knife is bad.
Legal scholars have submitted thousands of pages of amicus briefs for review as justices wrestle with the nuances of the morality of drugging children and sterilizing them.
“Should you take a three-year-old, drug him, lay him down on a table, and use a sharp knife to cut off his body parts? Hmm, that’s a toughie,” said Justice Sotomayor. “Really a mind twister, this one. Cutting off children’s genitals for cash… a lot of complex ethical issues to unpack here.”
The Supreme Court will hear testimony from children who had body parts cut off, and later grew up and wish they still had their body parts. “So, you’re saying that’s bad?” asked Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson. “I’m having a hard time understanding this. You’re saying when you were seven years old, you weren’t old enough to be violently sterilized? I am thoroughly confused.”
At publishing time, the Court had also agreed to hear arguments about whether stopping a guy about to commit murder on a subway is bad.
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