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Any married woman can tell you how hard it can sometimes be to find the perfect Christmas present for their husband. Men can often be stoic, inscrutable, unreadable — how is a wife supposed to find out just what he wants?

Through extensive husband research, The Babylon Bee is here to help with the following list of gifts any hard-to-shop-for husband would want:

  1. Tesla Cybertruck: No wife should need to be told this, but a Cybertruck is the most surefire way to a man’s heart.

  2. Falcon 9 heavy rocket: Nothing says “I love you” like a vehicle capable of transporting passengers and cargo into Earth’s orbit.

  3. Trip to New Zealand to walk the path of Sam and Frodo: If you’ve never seen your husband cry, just watch what happens when he unwraps this present.

  4. Fully operational Messerschmitt Me 109: He’ll spend the day after Christmas strafing the neighborhood with glee.

  5. A real MechWarrior: He’s been dreaming about this since MechWarrior 5: Mercenaries came out. You should be advised, however, that the ammo for it can be quite pricey.

  6. Stillsuit for day trips on Arrakis: This gift pairs nicely with an ornithopter.

  7. Another Cybertruck, but in black with a .50-caliber machine gun turret: The first one is for everyday use. This one is just for fun.

  8. An around-the-world expedition on an old British navy frigate with all his bros: Best. Christmas. Ever.

This should make any wife’s Christmas shopping much easier — go get that perfect gift!


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