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It’s here. We made it. If you’re reading this, you’re hiding in the bathroom like the rest of us, watching the game on your phone and trying to avoid small-talk with your weirdo cousin who may or may not be a Lib but you really don’t wanna find out. 

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Oh, you didn’t think we’d have class today? Well, think again. I’m an American. A patriot. And, of course, I also had 45 minutes this morning while the turkey fryer got to 375, so I figured we’d squeeze in a Thanksgiving quickie. 

And hey! If it ain’t your first one of the day, congrats! Nothing like some T-Day sex to get the holiday season GOING. 

On that … weird? … note, welcome to a special Thanksgiving Day Nightcaps – the one where we (quickly) check in with Nancy Mace and Anna Paulina Luna, and then get back to business in the living room. 

What else? I’ve got PETA being just the worst company imaginable on this great American holiday, dinner table topics to piss off your liberal Aunt Karen, and rising star Sydney Thomas is ready to Make America HOT Again! 

God, the winning is insane right now. It just won’t stop. What a run. 

OK, sneak you another beer while the rest of the family is arguing the electoral college vs. the majority vote, and settle in for a Thanksgiving Day Nightcaps!

Speaking of that …

Might as well start with politics at the dinner table today. It’s a delicate little balance we’re all trying to figure out right now, but I, for one, am ALL for it. 

Unlike this insufferable LIB at USA Today:

“In the wake of the presidential election. The last thing any of us need to be doing is walking into potentially volatile mixed-ideology settings that often feature alcohol, long-standing feelings of familial resentment and easily thrown pies.”

Nope. Disagree. I want it all out in the open today. I want fireworks. I want to break skulls, and then break bread. It’s America. Time to toughen up. 

And for those of you looking for some ice-breakers with Aunt Becky in a bit …

Sydney Thomas is someone we can all agree on

For those who spent the morning hungover and missed my other award-winning class – NFL Power Rankings – I ranked all 32 teams based on this above list. Check it out here when you’re hunched over the toilet later tonight. 

I’d also add the 2020 election results to this list because those are certainly fair to question now, and then end the night by letting them know that Trump has already fixed the southern border. 

They’ll LOVE this:

Again – more winning! The Libs have nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide today. It’s a full-court press. 

Now, when you’re done arguing and ready to agree on something, bring up Alabama star – and Tyson/Paul ring girl – Sydney Thomas. 

She burst onto the scene a few weeks ago, and it’s been a steady climb to the top of the influencer mountain ever since. 

And, clearly, she’s on the right team:

Nancy, Anna Paulina & PETA, oh my!

Welcome to Nightcaps, Sydney! First time here. Will NOT be your last. I’m quite sure of it. 

What a run for Sid the Kid. From Tuscaloosa to 1600 Penn. This is the American Dream in 2024, and I’m all in on it. More Sydney Thomas. More Nancy Mace. And more Anna Paulina Luna!

Speaking of … let’s rapid-fire this condensed class into a big Thanksgiving night. First up? Nancy and Anna have teamed up in the name of saving women:

Nancy and Anna against the Libs – who ya got? What a bloodbath. Most lopsided fight I’ve seen in my life. 

They really don’t stand a chance. God, what a YEAR. Go get ’em, ladies. And Happy Thanksgiving! 

Next? While you two are at it, go ahead and bury the WOKES over at PETA, too:

Holy cow. What a post. What an image. Nothing like some sexual references in front of the kids – by an interracial couple – to reallllly check all the boxes. Don’t you DARE accuse PETA of not being progressive enough. 

PS: what a community note here:

Incredible. Don’t you dare tell me that Elon hasn’t fixed Twitter. You weren’t getting that kind of fact-checking under the old regime. 

Marjorie, thoughts?

Amen, sister! Let’s all go murder some birds and stuff our fat, American, patriotic faces tonight. Hell, we had TWO turkeys at our Thanksgiving lunch earlier today. Two. 

Piss off, PETA. 

OK, that’s it for today. Yeah, short class, but we all have things to do and aunts to piss off. 

Take us home, Maggie Sajak! Spin that wheel and have yourself a great Thanksgiving. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Any Libs give you a hard time today? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.