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JACKSON, MS — In a recent company audit, Grayson Manufacturing learned the company has a concerning surplus of employees named Dan.

The uptick in Dans began in the early 2010s but was “well within parameters” and “nothing to be concerned about at the time,” say company accountants. But recent hiring has led to the company having over 12 Dans, which is “way too many Dans,” according to company insiders.

The company hopes to correct the troubling Dan spike by laying off a few Dans and hiring some Garys, Steves, or Jerrys. “We could also use a Todd,” said CEO Hank Grayson. “I always thought it would be nice to have a Todd.”

“We’re just overloaded on Dans right now,” said Dan Coleman in Shipping and Logistics. “It used to be that people would be all like, ‘Just go ask Dan,’ or ‘Make sure to CC Dan on that email,’ and everyone knew they meant either me or Dan up in HR or else Dan in accounting. But now, who knows? It could be one of dozens of Dans.”

“I really hope we can fix this problem soon.”

At publishing time, the company had begun flagging a concerning rise in the number of Adams.

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