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We’re over the hump, Thanksgiving is one week from right now, it’s in the 50s in Florida today and Katherine Webb is still very relevant in 2024. 

As Doug Heffernan once said, I know we’re all God’s children, but sometimes I think he likes me extra special.

And if you got that joke, you get to leave early today! Gold star. You win. Head on home and take the rest of the day off. Impressive. 

On that note, welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where we check in with Queen Katherine and see if her fastball still gets the job done. 

Spoiler alert: it DOES. Breathe easy. 

What else? I’ve got another blast from the past whose fastball STINKS nowadays – welcome to class, Katie Couric! – and then we’ll dive into tonight’s weather forecast for Steelers-Browns. God, I love a good AFC North snow game. Just feels right. 

Oh yeah! Maybe we’ll talk about some Adam Schefter sex if we have time. Hopefully, we do!

Pour you whatever you’d like – I’ll be going with something warm because it’s -100 degrees in Florida right now – and settle in for a Final-Thursday-before-Thanksgiving ‘Cap!

Turkey rubs? Anyone?

(I’m weirdly on a King of Queens kick today. No reason, just am. Maybe an ode to Anthony Farris since the Browns play tonight? Who knows!)

That’s right. We’re one week away. That means November is almost over, which is insane. What a month. Greatest month in YEARS if we’re being honest. Maybe since Feb. 2020. And I’m only half-joking. 

Anyway, how are we all feeling heading into the big day? I’ve fried the turkey every year for my Thanksgiving since 2020. True story. Used to be terrified of it, but now I look forward to it every year. It’s my Super Bowl.

Now, I have a Butterball electric turkey fryer that was gifted to me years ago. And yes, I know what you’re thinking. Electric? You’ve gone woke!

Not true. I was a hater at first as well, but this thing is a Godsend. It’s the same as a regular fryer, except with this one you don’t risk blowing your house up and killing everyone on Thanksgiving. Win-win!

Fill it up with peanut oil (there goes your paycheck!), let it heat up for 45 minutes to an hour, drop the bird in – GENTLY – and then close the lid and go drink for an hour before taking her out and letting her rest for 20 minutes. The best. 

I’ve used the same recipe for years now, mainly because I like it, I know it works, and it SLAPS. It’s a basic overnight rub with the main ingredient being a shit-ton of Cajan creole seasoning. You know, that stuff in the green shaker at the bottom of the spice rack at the local Piggly-Wiggly. 

Anyone out there have a good turkey rub they wanna share with the class? I’m open to trying something new this year, but I wanna find a good one from sources I trust. If you’re in this class, I trust you. 

Let’s get to cooking. 

Let’s check in with Katie Couric!

God, I miss John Madden so much. If you’re under 30, you probably have no clue what you missed out on. Madden on Thanksgiving was a holiday in itself. Nobody got more fired up over turkey and/or turduckens than John Madden. 

PS: my family dabbled in the turducken a few years in a row when I was a kid, and I’ve gotta say … it’s kinda gross. I mean, I ate it, mainly because I was a fat kid, but it wasn’t great. Three birds stuffed into each other? A bit much for me. A little too Human Centipede-y for my liking. 

If you know, you know. And if you know, I’m so sorry. 

Speaking of unappealing things from the early-2000s, let’s check in with unbearably woke Katie Couric!

Snow game, Katherine Webb & Schefty sex!

Oh, boo-hoo, Katie. You’re so full of shit. Oh, mean ‘ol Nancy Mace doesn’t want a biological man in her bathroom during recess. Wa-wa-wa!!

By the way, totally unrelated, I seem to remember a certain former Today Show anchor shitting on Trump supporters a few months back. 

Now, it wasn’t Matt Lauer, so who could it have been? I just can’t put my finger on it …

Oh yeah! That’s right! It was Katie Couric calling Trump supporters a bunch of idiots. But Nancy Mace is the “NaStY and MeAn and CrUeL” one. OK, Katie. Whatever you say. 

They just don’t see it, do they? God, the left is the best. What a month. 

OK, rapid-fire time so we can all go enjoy a fierce TNF battle between two AFC North rivals! First up … well, we’ll start right there!

Oh helllllll yes! Inject it straight into my veins. Jameis in the snow? Insufferable Russell Wilson battling the elements? Love a good snow game. It’s gonna be sloppy and beautiful all at the same time. Hammer the under, obviously, and maybe the over on Nick Chubb and Najee Harris rushing attempts. 

You are welcome! 

Speaking of sloppy and beautiful … let’s check in with Adam Schefter!

Quick! Who had Adam Schefter sex on today’s class Bingo card? Not me. Lord knows I didn’t want it, either. But here we are. 

Schefty breaking news after a night of love-making is PEAK NFL insider stuff. Love that grind. That’s how you climb the mountain, boys and girls. You think Schefty got to where he is by simply banging and then going to sleep? No shot. 

I’ve always been a Rapoport guy myself, but this definitely moves Schefty a little higher in the rankings. Congrats on the sex, Adam. 

Finally, let’s check in on Katherine Webb! Can’t believe it’s been nearly 12 years now since this iconic moment. 

Our girl hasn’t skipped a BEAT:

Does Katherine still have the heater or what? And now she’s hiring new representation? I think we’re in for a big year out of the former BCS champ. 

Can’t wait to see how this unfolds. 

OK, that’s it for today. I need to go fire up the space heater in the living room. 

Let’s go have a night. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots). 

You frying a turkey this year? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.