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GAINESVILLE, FL — Sources close to local man Jerry Smathers said the 25-year-old revealed himself to be a total sociopath after he responded to his friend’s casual greeting of “How’s it going?” by actually explaining how his life was going.

According to Brad Salk, the friend on the receiving end of Smathers’s explanation, the clearly disturbed man cast aside all cultural norms and launched into an extended monologue about the state of his life.

“I was just saying ‘hi’ by asking him ‘How’s it going?’ but I guess he took it literally,” Salk said. “And he was over there telling me about how his wife is holding a garage sale this weekend and he’s dealing with a case of athlete’s foot. I didn’t know how to respond. I wasn’t really interested in hearing how it’s going. Who does that?”

According to other friends, Smathers had displayed an increasingly disturbing tendency to actually respond to their questions of “What’s up?” and “What’s new with you?” by inexplicably telling them what was up and what was new with him.

“Textbook sociopath,” said Jacob Manning, another friend. “No one wants to be associated with someone like that. If you want to tell people what’s really going on in your life, that’s what therapists are for.”

At publishing time, Smathers’s friends revealed that they had agreed to take great care to never greet him by asking “How’s it hanging?”

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