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Two weeks, boys and girls. Two weeks until the big day. Thanksgiving. Can you believe it? It feels like we were just knocking on doors begging for candy, and now we’re looking up turkey rubs and trying to figure out why the hell peanut oil is so expensive. 

What a time of year! The best. Winter is creeping in, but – right now – we’re still in the absolute thick of Autumn. 

Now, I didn’t want to go back to the politics well today because I feel like we could all use a break. BUT, the insane lefties left me no choice. 

Seriously. I was gonna give ‘em  a break this week, but they just couldn’t help themselves. They were so close, too!

But you can’t fix stupid. And, right now, that side is melting down in such incredible fashion that I almost have to mock them. 

Yesterday, there was a “mass exodus” on Elon’s Twitter by all the insufferable elites who think any one of us would truly care if they were gone. Don Lemon, inexplicably, put out an actual statement explaining why he was leaving Twitter. 

Like, he took time out of his day to write out eight paragraphs about something that literally nobody gives a shit about. Amazing. 

Of course, he wasn’t alone. The lefties do things in bunches, you know. They always travel in groups. 

So, without further ado, it’s Week 11 NFL power rankings: the ‘Comparing NFL teams to insufferable wokies who left Twitter this week because they’re angry about the election and acting like a bunch of five-year-olds’ edition!

Tier 1: The Don Lemon tier 

1. Detroit Lions (LW: 1)

2. Kansas City Chiefs (2)

3. Baltimore Ravens (4)

4, Buffalo Bills (6)

5. Possible Trump press secretary Alina Habba (NR)

Oh no, failed CNN loser Don Lemon is leaving Twitter! How will we operate? How will we continue to function? Who the hell is going to spin the news now? 

I just can’t believe he actually wrote out a press release like it was Jordan returning to the Bulls. The egos on these maniacs are truly second to none. They think they are God. They don’t get it. 

Don is such a narcissist, yet he claims to hate Trump. They’d be PERFECT together! 

PS: Join Lemon on something called Bluesky if you just can’t live without him. 

“Hey, I’m leaving this terrible site, but, before I go, I’m going to promote where I’m going on the same site I just vowed to leave!”

Look, this tier is tiny this week, and it’ll probably stay that way for a while. The amount of good teams in this league, compared to the awful ones, is staggering. 

Lions, Chiefs, Bills, Ravens. Those are the teams I think can legitimately win a Super Bowl right now. That’s it. I assume the Niners will work their way up here at some point, but not yet. Same with the Eagles. 

Alina Habba is certainly above average, too:

Tier 2: The Mark Cuban tier

6. Minnesota Vikings, although they seem about ready to plummet (5)*

7. Pittsburgh Steelers, inexplicably (11)

8, Philadelphia Eagles (13)

9, San Francisco 49ers (15)

10. LA Chargers (16)

11. Washington Redskins (9)

12. Green Bay Packers (12)**

13. Houston Texans (10)*

* fraud watch

** fraud watch, but not as much as the other two

Mark Cuban spent the last three months shitting on Donald Trump and the Republicans, and actively pumping up Kamala Harris – a candidate he doesn’t really believe in – only to then get put in timeout by the Harris team and THEN ultimately watch Trump win in a landslide. 

Naturally, Mark has now scrubbed his Twitter of all pro-Kamala tweets, and is now on Threads – the insanely woke and soft off-shoot site of Instagram, courtesy of insufferable Mark Zuckerberg. He’s also joining Donny L. on Bluesky, which shows you how miserable that app must be.

What an unbelievable spiral for Maddow Mark. We barely knew ya!

Honestly, you could jumble all these teams up and put them in whatever order you’d like. They’re all pretty much the same. The Eagles should be better than most of them, but their coach is such a dork you almost can’t trust them yet. 

The Steelers continue to just win, and Mr. Unlimited seems back to his old self. I’ve been a huge Russell Wilson detractor, but only because he’s become so unlikable off the field. If he starts to play like old Russ again, AND is also not a corny idiot off the field, I’ll be right back on board. 

Vikings are way too high. That team might stink all of a sudden. 

Tier 3: The Jamie Lee Curtis tier 

14. Atlanta Falcons (8)

15. Tampa Bay Bucs, see Vikings (14)

16. Arizona Cardinals (19)

17. Seattle Seahawks (18)

18. Cincinnati Bengals (21)

19. Denver Broncos, minus their kicker (22)

20. LA Rams (20)

21. Puka Nacua’s girlfriend, Hallie Aiono (NR)

Jamie Lee! Say it ain’t so! Quick, show of hands – who knew Jamie Lee Curtis had a Twitter account? If I see one hand raised, I’m calling BS. No shot you knew. Nobody did, because nobody cared, because Jamie Lee Curtis stopped being popular three decades ago. 

Now, she’s just an intolerable Hollywood elite who I’m pretty sure still masks up. Seriously. COVID broke her. What a shame. Look at this, from ONE YEAR AGO!

She was masking up literally a year ago for COVID. These people are NUTS. Enjoy Bluesky, though!

This tier is sneaky decent. Honestly, it may be better than the last tier, which is odd seeing as I make all the decisions around here. Weird. 

Anyway, the Cardinals might win the NFC West, the Bucs might be toast because everyone is hurt, and Puca’s girlfriend might be a league-winner. 

Who knows?

Tier 4: The Guardian tier

22. Miami Dolphins! (34)

23. New Orleans Saints, who won the predictable ‘first game after your coach is fired’ game (32)

24. Carolina Panthers!!!!! (40)

25. Indy Colts, although at this point I think both QBs are losers (32)

26. Dallas Cowboys, speaking of losers (28)

27. Cleveland Browns (33)

28. Tennessee Titans (35)

29. Jacksonville Jaguars, see Colts (37)

30. Chicago Bears (30)

31. New England Patriots (36)

32. Make America Great Again Patriots (NR)

33. The Patriot, starring Mel Gibson (NR)

34. The George Mason Patriots (NR)

35. Oakland Raiders (30)

36. New York Jets (26)

37. New York Football Giants (38)

Pour one out for The Guardian! Sad. Can’t believe the mean conservatives just continue to kill legacy media sites. How dare they! 

The Guardian has been a joke of an organization for quite some time now, and people stopped taking them seriously years ago. So, this won’t move the needle much in terms of anyone giving a shit, but it’s still funny that they pumped out one last clickbait article before they rode off into the sunset. 

They are nothing if not consistent. I’ll give ’em that.  Unlike ALL of these teams in the fourth and final tier. 

That’s right. Two weeks in a row with no fifth tier. I just can’t justify making another tier right now. That’s how bad the league is. 

These teams either A) stink, B) are way too inconsistent, or are C) a dumpster fire. In the Jets’ case, they are all of the above. 

I assume the Dolphins will get out of here this time next week seeing as they now get the Raiders and Pats before a T-Day showdown in Lambeau. We’ll see. 

Honestly? The Panthers may, too. Good for them. Happy for Bryce Young. 

Finally, the Giants are the worst team in football and I can’t believe Daniel Jones is still a starting QB in this league. It’s impressive how bad he is. 

See you next week.