Alina Habba Goes For A Swim In The White House (Press) Pool, Don Lemon

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It’s Hump Day, the Dolphins didn’t piss on themselves on Monday night, my kid has been blaring Christmas music all day, and I’ve got a weekend weather forecast of 50s and 60s staring me right in my fat, Florida face.

What a time to be alive. Who has it better than us?

Now, to be fair, there’s a chance another hurricane is going to decimate my state next week, which is such a bummer because Floridians really check out of hurricane season in November. We NEVER get November storms down here. Of course, there’s one brewing in the Gulf this time around, because God forbid we go a month without an insurance claim.

But, that’s next week’s problem. Today? Today we hump!

Welcome to a Wednesday Nightcaps – the one where we throw our support behind Alina Habba for Trump’s press secretary and hope to God he makes the right call. I mean, that is FREE content for the next four years. Please do it. I’m begging you. Lord knows the internet is on board.

What else? I’ve got Don Lemon leaving Twitter (X, whatever) because all the meanie conservatives are taking over. We’ll check the mail because it’s a bit back-logged right now, and Joe Biden welcomed his best bud back to the White House today.

Seriously, these dudes LOVE each other. Unreal plot twist to 2024. I told you guys months ago that the back-half of this year would be insane, and the finale has been everything I could’ve ever imagined. What a week. What a month!

OK, let’s get this going. I’ve got pumpkins to put away, and reindeer to put up. Ho, ho, ho!

The Trump-Biden meeting was perfect

Yeah, I started Christmas earlier than I’d like this year. Full disclosure: we actually started putting up decorations last weekend. True story.

I fought it because I told the First Lady we needed to respect Halloween, but she fired back at me with a couple comments that I won’t share in this (semi) family-friendly class after a night of no sleep with the kids, so I dropped it.

Sometimes you have to pick your battles, boys and girls. If she wants to put Christmas decorations up and listen to Christmas music in early November, then that’s what we are going to do. Just like if I want to sit on my back deck alone for three hours on a Sunday and watch Scott Hanson. It’s all an intricate game of chess.

But, she also sends me #content like this on a nightly basis, which means I’ve got a good one on my hands:

Not 4B, For The D!

Love this chick. Love the direction of this country right now. We are BACK, America. And look whose BACK in the White House today meeting one of his voters!

Now, let’s get Alina Habba in the White House, too!

You will never convince me that Joe Biden didn’t vote Trump last week. I’m sure of it at this point. I said it last month when he called Trump supporters garbage during Kamala’s speech, and I’ll say it again now: he’s been a secret Trump ally this whole time.

The second the Dems stabbed him in the back, he dug deep into his senile political mind, and pulled out one last trick: do everything in his power to get Trump back in office. He’s NEVER looked happier than he has this past week. Guy has been the only Dem to crack a smile since last Tuesday night.

Hell, at this point, I hope Trump names him to some sort of senior cabinet position!

Speaking of … yesterday, rumors started floating around that Trump’s lawyer, Alina Habba, is the favorite to be the next press secretary.

And buddy, I have NEVER seen MAGA folks so unified in a decision:

Hello mail, bye bye Don & Bitcoin!

Piss off, Mark Cuban! God, please let Alina be the one who gets to deal with the CNN and MSNBC lunatics every single day for the next four years (whatever’s left of them, at least). It would be must-see TV every single day.

Plus, as you can see, the #content for this blog would basically write itself until 2028. Let’s get this across the finish line, Trump!

OK, rapid-fire time because I’ve got a newborn who needs to nap. First up? Mail time! It’s been a while, and I’ve got letters sticking outta the mailbox right now, so let’s fire away.

From Keith:

Zach,

Always reading your stuff but holy crap, today was the most entertaining ever. Heaton and the Shimmy and Paige.🔥🔥🔥

Thanks, Keith! Where else are you finding Patricia Heaton & Trump shimmy content in the same column today? Nowhere. That’s why we win awards.

Next? Wisconin Aaron ain’t tired of winning!

Tired of winning, not a chance. It is glorious. The sweetest fact of it all is winning the popular vote. They have nothing, nothing but whining and crying, and it is COMEDY GOLD!

I simply can’t get enough. I live outside of a blue turd of a city (Milwaukee), but we live in the next county over (Waukesha) and it is bright red!

The amount of random people I’ve laughed with about the election is staggering.

Thanks, Aaron! And I agree. Thanks for holding down the fort in Wisconsin. I thought you guys were gonna blow it last week, and you instead stepped up to the plate like primetime Prince Fielder. Love it.

Next? Ohio Harvey!

Zach,

Great week to be American!!! Love the lib meltdowns!

As one of the very few people to be graced with the name Harvey (3rd of a line), if I had a quarter (used to be a nickel, FJB!) for every time i have been called Wallbanger, I could have retired years ago! And not waiting for this Chubby Hubby Only Fans thing to take off!

Good to hear from you, Harvey! If you missed last Friday’s class, go study up here and you’ll be less confused. We’re all rooting for you on OnlyFans!

OK, phew. What an inbox! You all are FIRED up right now, and I am, too. We are BACK, baby. Except Donny Lemon … he is most definitely not back:

Say it ain’t so, Don! He’s leaving Twitter (X!) because … it no longer censors free speech? I mean, it’s just perfect. These wackos truly don’t see how dumb they sound. It’s amazing. The left is amazing. Please, never stop. It’s the best.

Finally … anyone here like me and have a shit ton of stocks tied up in Bitcoin/companies that use Bitcoin? If so, let’s all retire together!