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America is abuzz with the news that Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy will be heading up the Department of Government Efficiency, tasked with cutting out all the unnecessary jobs and expenditures in the federal government. Here are the first ten government positions on the chopping block when DOGE takes the helm:

  1. Assistant Secretary to the Deputy Supervisor of office supplies: Sorry, Bruce.

  2. All the people running those NIH studies where they see what birds do on cocaine: Yeah, cocaine is bad. We got it.

  3. The TSA agents that scream at you to take your shoes off: Also, the ones who scream at you to leave your shoes on.

  4. The invisible guy who always shook Joe Biden’s hand after his speeches: He can retire now, proud of the service he has done for our country.

  5. White House Gardener: Give Barron a push mower and he can finish the lawn in three strides.

  6. DOT’s Office of Making Highways Bumblebee-friendly: Bye, bees.

  7. All female employees: Except the hot ones.

  8. Department For The Creation Of Super Viruses In Wuhan, China: Good call, Elon.

  9. Rhode Island: The whole thing is just a huge waste.

  10. Head of the Department of Government Efficiency: Oh no!!

What do you think of these potential government cuts? Let us know in the comments.

NOT SATIRE: Not a Joke: You Need More Food

Here’s a not-so-funny situation where you’ll want more food: Violent mobs just looted every grocery store within a 50-mile radius. And if you hadn’t gone shopping in the last week… all you’d have left is a jar of peanut butter and some flour.

If that happens, the only thing you’ll be able to think about is what to eat. And… you’ll wish you’d had a 3-Month Emergency Food Kit from My Patriot Supply.

It comes with 22 varieties of appetizers, entrees, and desserts. Plenty to get you through a crisis! Plus, the kit lasts for up to 25 years on the shelf, so you’ll be prepared for the long haul. Although, many taste what’s in the kit immediately when it arrives at their door… considering the Creamy Stroganoff and Cornbread hit the spot when you’re hungry.

Click here to order your own 3-Month Emergency Food Kit now. You won’t regret it.

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Click here to find out how you can watch the movie when it releases on October 11