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Heh heh heh heh heh. That felt goooooooood. Right now, I feel like Big Tim on the phone chortling to Maid Marion in “Requiem For a Dream,” but with less creep and more schadenfreude.

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The Left tried hard to make this our last election as a constitutional republic founded and maintained by the dynamism and vigilance of a citizenry fighting to retain what remnants of liberty remain from our founding. But they failed. As of this morning, we are still a free people.

The fact that our bumbling, ragtag coalition of largely working-class deplorables was able to deflect, for a second time, the coordinated efforts of the Deep State, the mainstream media, woke corporations, teacher unions, Hollywood, Wall Street, and Big Tech, not to mention our existential enemies like China and Iran, to force feed us their pre-selected Manchurian candidate, was nothing short of amazing. The People have spoken. Again.

All this could have been avoided had you just left us alone to raise our kids, live our lives, and practice our religion as we see fit. Trump’s reelection is a message from nearly 70 million of us garbage deplorables, and that message is this: You are not our betters, and we do not suffer you to lord over us as if you are. This is the second shot across your bow. We are politely telling you one last time. Back off.

That isn’t stopping the media meltdown, which is plowing full speed ahead with the racist/sexist narrative, complete with a side scolding for minorities who supported Trump. Every election we win, we’re treated to finger-wagging lectures from the elites about how we rubes always “vote against our interests.” So I just gotta say: last night, we just voted for YOUR interests, which many of you are too short-sighted to appreciate. Below are just a few groups whose interests we voted for last night.

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SUBURBAN LIBERAL WOMEN

“No human is illegal,” reads your yard sign. At least until the size of your town doubles overnight with Mauritanians, Haitians, Tren de Aragua, or any other gaggle of ne’er-do-wells whom Mayorkas & Co. assure us are simply the marginalized downtrodden just trying to work hard, pay their taxes, and partake in the American dream.

Well, I hope so, because a good many of them seem to be military-age males. And if there’s one thing Kamala’s open borders saturated the country with, it’s low-skilled, aggressive men with zero cultural understanding of democracy or the benefits it entails. You know, like women’s rights.

This would certainly explain your zealous promotion of abortion, which we’d need a lot more of once your “diversity is our strength” blather becomes a reality and the presuppositions of third-world misogynist hellholes bump up against a woman’s right to leave home without a male escort. Liberals think partial-birth abortion is a sacred right. Conservatives think a woman’s right to walk down a sidewalk without fear of being sexually assaulted by animals whose culture blames women for their own crimes is more important.

But with our mandate to reform immigration and deport those for whom women are mere chattel, the rights our great-grandmothers fought for and that we take for granted will be preserved for at least another four years.

You’re welcome.

LIBERAL JEWS

This past year of street-thug antisemitism, campus pogroms, open calls for genocide, and the Democrats’ quiet acquiescence with all of it should have been all it took to get American Jews to vote overwhelmingly for Trump. But apparently, for many of them, there were issues more pressing beyond preventing the next Kristallnacht.

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Whatever. But a part of you knows that Trump has been, and continues to be, the most pro-Jewish president in the history of our nation. The Abraham Accords, the recognition of Jerusalem and the Golan Heights as Israeli land, as well as a zero-tolerance policy against Iran did more to protect Jews than any pro-Hamas, “from the river to the sea” drivel you heard from the Left.

But with our mandate, antisemitism both at home and abroad will be vigorously combated, and serious peace negotiations between Israel and her neighbors will once again resume.

You’re welcome.

LIBERAL PARENTS

You must like the idea of pedophiles—with five o’clock shadows dressed like escapees from clown purgatory— coddling your kindergartener a little too lovingly during drag queen story hour. You must long for the day when you discover via some TikTok video that your teen has been transitioning for years with the covert assistance of the public school teachers whose salaries you pay. You no doubt cheer when a mediocre male athlete pummels your daughter in the sport she’s been training for her entire life. And you must think nothing of forking over hundreds of thousands of dollars for your kids’ “education” at some woke university, the depravity of which can only be rivaled by the “education” they received from their woke public school.

As a parent, you’re a complete failure.

But with our mandate, we hope that the teachers’ union grip on ideological indoctrination with taxpayer money will end and that the traditional focus on math, reading, science, and the arts will resume in our schools. If you want to confuse your kids with pronouns, do it on your own dime. When we’re in charge, your kids will get the education they need to succeed in a world outside the campus safe space.

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You’re welcome.

LIBERAL BLACK AMERICANS

No voting group has gotten so little return on such a consistent investment as black Americans, who stubbornly continue to vote Democrat. Show me the results of over sixty years of blind loyalty. I’ll wait.

The Democrats don’t care about you. They expect your vote. And why wouldn’t they? You give it to them without question. And why? Because they tell you (some of) what you want to hear. Whatever struggles you endure in your personal lives, the Democrats give you carte blanche to place the blame elsewhere.

But they’ve been quietly replacing you with Latinos as the next indispensable voting bloc, and your once-influential status is diminishing. They’re already moving illegals into your neighborhoods and schools by the tens of thousands. I wonder what things will look like in 2029 when the Democrats will have almost completely and permanently sidelined you.

And did you really think they were going to pay you “reparations”? Did that shiny, elusive bait-and-switch really get you to vote for them again?

But with our mandate of fighting inflation and burdensome regulation, the economy will improve, as will the condition of black America. You don’t need bureaucrats to fix your problems. The only thing bureaucrats can do to help is to get out of your way. We’re working to make that happen.

You’re welcome.

DEMOCRACY DEFENDERS

Looks like your palace coup against your own sitting president didn’t pay off. It looks like you won’t be able to defend democracy by packing the courts, abolishing the Electoral College, censoring free speech, cheating in elections, indoctrinating students, using the FBI as your personal Cheka, waging unrelenting lawfare against political opponents, and should that fail, shooting them. Gee whiz, how will you save democracy now?

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Or maybe your whole “save democracy” schtick was just one big temper tantrum designed to scare people into voting your way. Sorry, there’s nothing in our mandate for you. You’re not welcome.

On the flip side, Trump managed to increase his voting percentages among groups previous Republicans had written off as unwinnable. Trump was branded from the outset as “racist” by career racists and as “fascist” by people who can’t define the word. For minorities who have been bombarded with this message for decades, it took a ton more courage and integrity for them to come out publicly for Trump.

As a white man, it was perhaps easier for me to declare my support for Trump. Those who hate me because of my skin color and gender hate me regardless, and no vote of mine will change that. My gratitude, therefore, extends to those for whom social pressures and bigoted expectations to vote for Harris must have been truly daunting. 

My gratitude goes to the black Americans who, like the Jews leaving Egypt (and now the Democrats), were brave enough to leave the plantation even though most of your neighbors stayed behind. My gratitude goes to the Latino Americans who see past the tribal identity politics they’re instructed to embrace and understand that a vote against illegal immigration is a vote for a better future for all of us. My gratitude goes to the women of all stations in life—single, married, mother, childless—who exercised their “choice” as THEY, not some social media brats a third their age, saw fit to exercise it. And, yes, my gratitude goes to the males of all colors who long ago put down the videogame controllers and the water bongs and took responsibility for their families with honor and humility, in the quiet knowledge that there was nothing “toxic” about it. My gratitude goes to all these groups of Americans who came together yesterday to assert their dignity and freedom. 

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Thank you.