Alaska Man Monday - Dumb Crook, Garbage Bear, and Funny Stuff at the Museum

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Winter has been hinting at a visit for some time now, and boy howdy, has it ever shown up, just in time for Halloween. Here in our part of the Susitna Valley, Alaska, we were right in the crosshairs of two storms in as many days, which dumped about a foot of snow on us between them. That’s OK – we got the drive plowed out, and all our winter prep has been long since made. But it’s a good reminder. When our long, cold winter shows up, it often shows up with a vengeance. That seems to be the case this year.

And on this first flurry of winter, we bring you a dumb crook, someone who was too careless with garbage, and some neat new stuff at the Anchorage Museum.

First up: A dummy arrested for drunk driving – a front-end loader, no less:

On 10/31/24 at approximately 2145 hours Palmer AST performed a routine traffic stop on a front end loaded near mile 31 Glenn Hwy for an equipment violation. Investigation revealed the driver, Raymond Lewis, age 34 of Palmer, had an outstanding warrant for his arrest for failure to appear on an original charge of Driving While Revoked. Lewis was arrested and transported to Mat-Su Pretrial where he was remanded and held on $250 bail.

I’m certain that the quoted “front end loaded” is actually meant to be “front end loader.” Although the mistype is certainly appropriate, given that this driver appears to have been loaded.

Alaska Man score: 2.5 of 5 moose nuggets. Demerits for drunk driving earth-moving equipment. Plus points for giving us something to point and laugh at.

Moving right along: And, folks, this is why you don’t leave garbage out where bears can get at it. (Note: While this may have been a garbage bear, there is no indication that the bear was a Republican.)

On 11-1-24, AWT was advised by the Sitka Police Department of a report that a man had been bluff charged by a brown bear as he was walking along Indian River Road near its intersection with Sawmill Creek Road. The male was able to take shelter in a vehicle that stopped to help him and leave the scene in safety. A short time later the bear appeared at the Department of Public Safety Training Academy and remained in close proximity to a large group of recruits engaged in outdoor training scenarios. Based on the animal’s aggressive behavior and continued lack of fear towards humans, the bear, a young male approximately 400 pounds in weight, was killed on the grounds of the Academy by law enforcement officers from AWT, the DPS Academy, and the Sitka Police Department. Evidence during necropsy showed the bear had been feeding on human garbage. The skull and hide with claws attached were turned over to ADF&G.

This is a shame because someone’s carelessness resulted in a bear being destroyed for being a bear. And it’s a good reminder – when bears start associating humans with food, it rarely ends well for either human or bear.

Alaska Man score: 1.5 of 5 moose nuggets. A bad deal all around, but some kudos go to the motorists who stopped and helped the unnamed man who was fleeing the bear.

On a brighter note: The Anchorage Museum has some funny business going on, and it’s worth a look.

Alaskans face many challenges: deep snow, frigid temperatures, angry moose — it could all be overwhelming if we didn’t take the time to find the humor in our situation.

That’s what a new exhibit at the Anchorage Museum is highlighting.

“Tricksters & Sourdoughs – Humor and Identity in Alaska” looks at how Alaskans find humor in some of the worst circumstances.

There is Indigenous humor (like traditional dolls sitting on Honey Buckets), frontier humor (like a postcard from 1909 that makes fun of the weather), and even tourism humor (like moose nugget swizzle sticks).

Laughter really is the best medicine. It’s good for what ails you, and there’s a reason for that; in his keystone novel “Stranger in a Strange Land,” Robert Heinlein spun the tale of Valentine Michael Smith, a young man raised by emotionless Martians, and how, after long effort, he finally understood laughter:

I grok people. I am people so now I can say it in people talk. I’ve found out why people laugh. They laugh because it hurts so much – because it’s the only thing that’ll make it stop hurting.

There’s something to that, I think. We laugh, and we feel better. We can laugh against our sorrows, against our pain, and yes, it helps.

Alaska Man score: 5 moose nuggets. We always love us some Alaskan heritage, and it being funny is all the better. Humor is (or at least, should be) something that brings us all together.

Now then – let’s talk about winter, and what’s happening tomorrow.