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Welp, that was an interesting night of Halloween weather after it hadn’t rained for three months

We’re in the middle of an extreme drought here in northern Ohio and wouldn’t you know it, my ass got soaked last night walking around with the kids and neighbors. We’re talking gusts to at least 35. Driving rain right in our faces. It was a war out there to secure candy. 

Last year, we were drilled with snow to the tune of about an inch in 10 minutes. I’m talking a total whiteout. 

But, life goes on and memories were made and the boys came home with bags of candy that will now sit around for months before I dump it.

Thank you to all of you who voted in this poll. Mrs. Screencaps is convinced something is wrong with me for enjoying frozen mini candy bars. 

The neighborhood Millennials Without Kids didn’t disappoint last night

I’m telling you, the neighborhood is incredibly lucky to have these Millennials. They bought a house that was immaculate. The old-timer would bust ass out the front door if he saw a leaf on the grass. The turf is 4″ THICK. I’m talking the thickest turf in the neighborhood. 

You guys know how this could’ve gone. The Millennials could’ve moved in and the place could’ve gone to hell. 

Instead, the Millennials were out there last night with their portable fire pit, a table full of full-sized candy bars, beer, Fireball, etc. The house is still immaculate.

– Isaac falls into the category of no kids, but understands his role in the neighborhood: 

That’s us!  

We have a group of friends (we call ourselves the 5 Families and us guys refer to ourselves as the Brother Husbands) we get together every Halloween at the my buddy’s place in a cul-de-sac and we bring a few bags of candy, a case of beer, and some of the mini bottles of flavored vodka.  Candy for the kids, beer for the dads, and vodkas for the moms.  It’s always a blast and we make new friends and the regulars always come back!

Did you notice a lack of 100 Grand bars in your Costco bulk bags?

– Gary M. writes: 

I did a little recon on the bulk Costco candy bags for Trick or Treat tonight. 

By the way Costco should be up on Federal charges. There were 2-3 100 Grand bars per bulk candy bag. Please tell me the Ohio AG is a Screencaps fan? 

Mission accomplished 

I gotta give Mariah Carey credit for leaning into her pop culture role on November 1 

This might be controversial, but I don’t care. 

Mariah Carey busting out her moneymaker on November 1 is fine with me. I’m not going to sit through the song if it pops up on the local 80s, 90s and Today® station, but I’m not triggered by Mariah coming out to play now that we’ve turned the calendar. 

I’d be completely unhinged if Mariah’s management team allowed her song to be played for commercials in mid-October. 

Now, that said, I’m still an absolutist on Christmas lights being turned on starting December 1. 

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

How about this retirement plan: 

Mariah Carey makes an estimated $2.5 to $3 million annually from “All I Want For Christmas Is You” royalties. In 2021, there was a claim that the song has made more than $60 million since it was released in 1994. 

A PhD has been analyzing the ‘Craziest Class On Your College Transcript’ project & would like to offer up his own class that he created

– PhD Matt writes: 

Long-time college professor here, and I’ve been enjoying the “craziest” courses your readers have taken.  But here’s one I think your readers would appreciate, though it’s not crazy.  I built a class called Sports and Literature for my university that I now offer for families online, so kids can learn about great sports heroes and events from a literary perspective.  

For anyone who has enjoyed the new Netflix doc about the Red Sox, my lessons on Rivalries and Resurrections are particularly relevant.  I teach about Field of Dreams and Tiger Woods, Cinderella Man and Pat Tillman, Kirk Gibson and Dan Gable, and much more.  For dads and their kids who might want to revisit the greatest sports stories and the valuable life lessons we can learn, this is a great bonding and educational experience.  First lecture is free here.  Enjoy!

– Bill D. in Atlanta, GA writes: 

Joe!  As a 54 year old veteran high school history teacher (30 years and counting), I can’t wait to peruse the Screencaps page every morning during my planning period.  It’s a welcome break from the daily dose of drama that 12th grade students throw my way.  I write a lot of college recommendation letters for deserving students.  I use this story to convey the message that college is not just about parties and football, but learning to “do hard things” and trying new experiences that may send you down a path others may not be able to travel in life.

I was fortunate enough to be able to test-out of some basic freshman college courses through AP and college equivalent classes at my high school in Sikeston, Missouri (class of ’88).   This allowed me to take a 2 credit hour recreation course in scuba diving during my freshman year at Ole Miss.   The fee for the course included all gear rentals, use of the university pool two evenings a week, and the ultimate reward of a trip to Destin, Florida for the “final exam” … an open water dive for certification.  Upon passing the final, there were two additional wreck dives around 70-80 feet in depth.   There’s nothing like being startled by a giant grouper and coming face to face with a shark to make you feel alive.   The entire experience got me out of my comfort zone and pushed me in a direction I never thought I would take.   At the tender age of 19, it was the greatest physical accomplishment I had achieved.  To this day, I look back on it as the initial motivation for future adventures in diving, hiking (Mt. Kilimanjaro, anyone?), and global travel (5 continents, 34 countries, 12 mountain ranges and counting).  

The only drawback to the final exam trip was that everyone else was 21 or over.  I had to stay back at the hotel at night while they went out to the Destin bars and got hammered.  That’s another lesson I like to pass along to my students … life isn’t fair most of the time.  Deal with it.  The world doesn’t owe you anything, but you owe yourself a chance at everything.  Go for it!  

Keep up the good work!  Hotty Toddy!!  

– Ty from PA shares an incredible story: 

Went to a small liberal arts college in Maryland. We had a Jan term where you took one class the entire month. Took a class called “The Study of Gaming and Consumption in Las Vegas”. Stayed in the Stratosphere hotel for two weeks and the entire point of the class was to go to different casinos at all hours of the day to watch and study the people who gambled. 

Roomed with my professor who would stay up all night smoking cigs and playing slot machines. Was the craziest two weeks of my life and as you can imagine saw some crazy shit in those two weeks. Final assignment was a 2-page paper describing what we saw. Unbelievable that I got college credit for that. Haven’t been back to Vegas since (by choice). 

– Joel writes in: 

Hey Joe, I have been enjoying the stories of random college classes, and I thought I’d chime in with one of mine.

I took an Ultimate Frisbee class my senior year at the University of Kansas to knock out a PE requirement. It was a spring semester class, and one of the perks was that the class didn’t even start meeting until after spring break. I was the only senior in a class full of freshmen, and apart from a few kids on the club team most of the students were not particularly athletes.

I was a decent high school linebacker, so I would just get to the end zone as quickly as possible, and try to out-muscle everyone for the Frisbee. I loved that class. I did clothesline the hell out of a poor girl going for the disc during a game, and I felt pretty bad about it for a while. Fortunately, she hopped right up. Not sure that would be the case nowadays.
 

Minnesotans try to figure out which woke college Gerard visited with his son and wife only to figure out a few minutes in they needed to leave when Hamas-holes started their from the river to the sea chants

– Brad in Tucson emails: 

Joe, Your column is a more important start to the day than shaving and brushing my teeth. 

I would bet my 401(k) balance that Gerard and his family toured MACALESTER. It was whack in the 70’s and has likely worsened exponentially. 

Can you confirm or deny?

– Shane B. says: 

I laughed at Gerard’s email on his college visit and am guessing he visited a private university by the name of Macalester. Could be Hamline, but that explanation fits Macalester for sure. 

My son played baseball for another less woke but woke nonetheless university in their conference. Sad thing is there are two others working to get past the reigning woke champions at Macalester but I believe they remain undefeated. 

This conference made baseball players wear masks while playing baseball outside in 2021 if that gives you a flavor the nonsense being bestowed upon our youth for $50 – 70K per year. So glad my daughter made a much better choice and has moved into favorite child status.

Kinsey: 

You guys are right. Gerard CONFIRMED the crazy woke incident took place at Macalester. 

What were you doing for beer money in your 20s?

– JH, the retired nuclear inspector remembers exactly what he was doing: 

Good job teaching the young ones about taxes.

I never went to college but I was on the campus at Ball St once shooting pool and got kicked out so the billiards class could take place.

And here’s a pic of what I was doing for beer money in my early 20’s 

Firing Back At The Election Texts That Just Won’t Stop

– Chris E. got in on this project: 

Have you ever done well on the McCarran International slot machines?

I stopped in Vegas on my way to San Jose five or six years ago and made like $500 or so before hopping on my connection flight. I can’t even begin to imagine what I would do if I hit for $1.5 million. 

One of you has a great Vegas airport slot story. I can just tell. 

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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That’s it. It’s 9 a.m. on the East Coast and that’s my cue to get my ass moving. 

Let’s have a great weekend. I’m praying Ohio State shows up in Happy Valley and Ryan Day’s career survives another week as we get closer to the Michigan game. 

Take care. 

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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