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Guys… what the hell is up with chess?!

The sport of nerds and old guys in urban parks has become a hotbed for allegations of cheating — often, but not always with sex toys — and now we’ve got a player who earned himself an assault charge after he pulled a Sean Penn and hit a videographer following a loss.

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you, but the 2024 U.S. Championships took place in St. Louis recently, and there were some fireworks after a match between 17-year-old grandmaster Christopher Yoo and U.S. chess champion Fabiano Caruana.

The October 16 match saw Caruana — who went on to win the whole thing — defeating Yoo, who was not happy about the loss.

He could be seen crumpling up his scorecard (which, by the way, I didn’t even know that was a thing. Sure, I’m an idiot, but I thought you either won the match, lost the match, or it was a draw) and storm off.

But, what you can’t see is that just off camera, Yoo is alleged to have hit a 24-year-old female videographer in the back as he stormed past. 

The incident led to police getting called to the tournament.

“Officers were called to the Chess Club for a report of a 17-year-old male that struck a 24-year-old woman in the back with his fist,” the St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department told People. “The 17-year-old was charged with assault and released to a parent at the direction of the Juvenile Courts.”

Well, that got Yoo booted from the tournament with the tournament standings being adjusted to account for his expulsion.

US Chess released a statement on the incident and it began with words I don’t think they ever thought they’d have to put in a statement as a governing body for chess.

“Physical violence is unacceptable at any U.S. Chess event, and we appreciate the swift response of the tournament staff and the Saint Louis Chess Club in handling this incident,” the statement reads.

Man, chess needs to calm down a little bit, although I get the sense that this will not be the last bit of chess debauchery we see.