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There’s nothing like dishing a little dirt, especially if it’s campaign leaks. For all the incendiary, mendacious, defamatory garbage the Democrats are throwing against Trump, hoping against hope some slur or outright disgusting fabrication sticks in time to save their asterisks, it’s fascinating watching the Democratic candidates and spouses, in whose interest these forces are acting, melt down all by themselves.

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The Trump campaign doesn’t have to lift a finger for this clown show bus to crash between the four of them in real time.

Take Doug Emhoff…please.

Sorry – couldn’t resist.

Ah, Kamala’s skeevey, creepster spouse, and Jen Psaki-declared new icon of American ‘non-toxic masculinity.’ A confirmed nanny boinker, and reputed girlfriend bonker, whose previous peccadilloes are blithely waved aside as so many “distractions.” 

And one is not supposed to point out that “distraction” is not a “denial” because Doug is (D)ifferent than Donald.

Second gentleman Doug Emhoff dismissed scrutiny of his personal life during an interview on Friday, calling tabloid investigations into his past relationships and comments about Vice President Kamala Harris a “distraction.”

“We don’t have time to be pissed off, we don’t have time to focus on it,” Emhoff said in excerpts of an interview that will air in full Monday on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.” “It’s all a distraction. It’s designed to try to get us off our game.”

Emhoff did not directly address allegations published by the Daily Mail earlier this month that he struck his then-girlfriend in public in 2012 — though the Harris campaign has denied the account in a statement to Semafor.

We all know how that works. His vice president wife, who is rumored to be the Democratic nominee for the president job, had to take an entire day off from campaigning with *checks calendar* 14 days to go until the actual, kind of the point, Election Day thingee happens.

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Poor dear must be exhausted from her brutal schedule. Or trying to keep consecutive coherent thoughts in her head for longer than an hour. Or maybe both.

Interviews are her Kryptonite.

That gave Trump another barn-sized opening to lob mortar shells into a Democratic campaign that’s desperately trying to paint him as the tired, old, broken-down, and feeble one. 

Jeez, Louise – even Adam Kinzonger could hit this one without a scope.

Former President Donald Trump called Vice President Kamala Harris “lazy as hell” Tuesday for having no campaign events on her schedule exactly two weeks before Election Day.

“She’s sleeping right now. She couldn’t go on the trail,” Trump, 78, told a gathering of Latino supporters at his Miami-area golf resort.

“You’d think when you have 14 days left, you wouldn’t be sleeping,” Trump continued.

“We’ve gone 52 days in a row, and I’m going to go 14 more days, and we’re gonna have a big victory party, hopefully.”

I’d ask, ‘How stupid can they get?’ but at this point, it’s a rhetorical question. 

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They answer it without it ever being asked in any event.

TWO DAYS OFF THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL

‘Afraid of her own shadow.’ Good Lord.

Then there’s that other monument to Harris’s good judgment, the running mate she picked on – what was the excuse for the Walz choice again? No sleep or something?

Whatever. Whoppers Walz keeps paying back those dividends. I guess his latest assignment is going after Elon Musk in his own folksy, ‘I don’t speak right’ attack dawg way.

Yeah. That should work.

Minnesota’s own dip-Schlitze’s ‘Elon is spending a lot of money on Trump‘ attempt at whipping up faux outrage was almost immediately blunted by a little nugget that leaked about someone writing a check to Kamala, and by ‘a check’ I mean A CHECK.

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Every line of attack either blows up on its own or hamfoot-in-mouth Walz does something to destroy it. I can’t wait to see what super-top-secret message mission they send him off on next.

Speaking of Walzes with foot and mouth disease, remember the lovely Mrs. Walz? The one so into the smell of cities burning she leaves her windows open so as not to miss a single sniff?

The enthusiastic and supportive spouse who wants you to elect her husband and a person who’s been in office for the past three and a half years to ‘turn the page’? 

She’s not kidding around, yo.

She seems fun, no?

NO. 

Well, David had the first word on this yesterday when, suddenly, the delightful Mrs. Walz dropped out of a campaign event scheduled in Maine.

The more time went by, the more word got out that she’d “angrily” canceled after hearing some unflattering…um…critiques, I guess you could say, of her campaigning style. Instead of taking them to heart and maybe rejiggering her presentation, I guess she just got mad and threw a tantrum instead.

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I AIN’T GOIN’

Well, jeez – that’s no way to be a team player. I can see both sides, you know.

There’s the crazy-eyes Mrs. Walz earning ever more fans for the campaign at every stop and with every viral video of her…

…and a panicked Harris campaign thinking, “OMG, we have enough problems without HER, TOO!!!“

So, yeah. Telling that bastion of cuddly, shotgun-fumbling masculinity to get the old ball and chain to tone down the psychotic schoolmarm shrieking before the last three white dudes for Harris peel away was going to result in an epic eruption, guaranteed.

I believe “overbearing” was quite possibly the kindest and least offensive descriptive adjective they could have used to describe Mrs. Walz’s stump speech style.

Gracious, there are many words that aptly and accurately fill in that blank.

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Mercifully, having Whoppers pass along the ixnay on the cray-cray message saved some poor, low-level Harris campaign dweeb the danger of having to tell Gwen in person, “Thank you, ma’am, but we’ve got enough folks to handle the rest of the appearances.”

I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be t…hey. Wait a minute.

Has anyone actually seen Tim Walz since yesterday…?