The Gripe Report: Candy Co-Mingling, Non-Green Football Fields, Crocs With Socks

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Well, well, well… what do we have here? Why, it looks like another edition of the column some are already starting to call the “Internet’s Greatest Complaint Box,” The Gripe Report.

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but we’re just a couple of weeks away from a pretty big election. So, that means virtually around-the-clock campaign ads, text messages, phone calls, and, of course, yard signs.

Have a gripe? We all know you do! Send it in!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com

It’s funny, because last week we talked about “yield signs,” but OutKick’s own Mike “Gunz” Gunzelman misread it and thought we were talking about “yard signs.”

Well, what with the election, it seems like an apropos time to discuss yard signs.

I hate them.

I don’t hate that they clutter up people’s yards or streets, I just hate that people think they still work. I find it hard to believe that anyone who isn’t an idiot has ever had their opinion changed by one of these signs. There’s absolutely no chance that someone has been planning to vote for Donald Trump this entire election cycle, but between now and Nov. 5 they’ll see a “VOTE KAMALA” sign, fling their MAGA hat out the window, and proclaim, “I’m voting Kamala.”

I’m convinced that these signs are designed to trick the stupid. They’re just out there in hopes of stealing a few votes from morons who stumbled into a voting booth by accident and vote for someone based on the fact that they recognize their name from a sign.

I don’t feel comfortable letting people whose vote was swayed by corrugated plastic signs, but that’s just me…

I get using signs to show support for things, but again, I feel like 99.99% it’s falling on deaf ears.

Frankly, I don’t like anything that tells strangers anything about you. Yard signs, bumper stickers, vanity license plates.  Here in the great state of Florida, they offer all kinds of license plate themes with team logos on them. My girlfriend said to me one day, “Why don’t you get a UCF license plate, considering you are easily one of the school’s most distinguished and handsome alumni of the last decade.”

I’m paraphrasing a little there, but it was something to that effect.

Anyway, I said no, because why does the dude in traffic behind me need to know where I went to school or who I cheer for? Just give me the Plain Jane license Sunshine State plate that says “COOL GUY” and I’m all set.

The one thing I do like about these signs is that during every election cycle, someone working for a campaign gets arrested for stealing rival signs. Running into trouble with Johnny Law in the name of probably not getting any additional votes is never not hilarious to me.

Well, that was fun, and it’s about to get a lot more fun-er-er. Let’s take a look at the gripes you fine folks sent in this week.

Candy Co-Mingling

Halloween is coming up, which means we’ve got to do a little candy talk, and Bill from — of all places Hersey PA, also known as Chocolatetown, USA — has a candy-related gripe for us:

This is a timely, albeit, minor gripe. I hate it when fruit-flavored candy is stored in the same container as chocolate candy and the fruit flavor seeps into the chocolate. Please, people:  don’t ruin Halloween for your neighborhood by mixing Dots with Reese’s; Starburst with Milky Ways; or Skittles with Crunch bars. Have some humanity!!!

Bill, from HERSHEY!!
…

This sounds ridiculous, but I 100% am behind this.

Trick Or Treating is coming up, and you’d better heed this warning, lest your home ends up getting TP’d: either go with chocolate candy or fruit candy. Do not try and be all things to all people.

Think of it like doing laundry. You try to separate the white shirts from the colored ones so that the colored shirts don’t bleed and mess up the white ones. 

This principle applies to candy. You’d think there’s no way you could possibly mess up Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup (by the way, I can’t believe I need to say this, but it’s pronounced “Reese-es” not “Ree-sees”) but there is. Just stick it in a dish with fruity candies like Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, or Lemonheads. 

I remember getting the occasional Tootsie Roll in my youth and practically gagging because it was ruined by the ghostly taste of some Starbursts.

You know how everyone combs through their kid’s candy to make sure some psycho didn’t sneak a razor into a Snickers bar? Well, if I had some youngsters, I’d come through their haul to make sure the chocolates were not contaminated by fruity candies… also I would keep all of the Goetz’s Carmel Creams for myself as a fee for my services. 

Being a kid has been rough over the last few years. Don’t ruin trick or treating for them by improperly storing your candy supply.

Good stuff. Be sure to send any and all Halloween gripes in for next week: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com.

Non-Green Football Fields

DJ in NC has a great football gripe for us, and it’s one I think a lot of people can get behind:

I’ll be shocked if this hasn’t been covered, but can we stop with the different colors on football fields?  All fields should be some shade of green.  No matter how good your team is, if you have a special player, or it’s a big game; I can’t take your program seriously with a non-green football field!  As much as I love college football, I love Tuesday night MACtion as much as the next guy, I can’t bring myself to watch a game on a red or purple field.  Maybe I’m just an old curmudgeon (this is my 3rd submission to the gripe report after all) but knock it off.  Have a little respect and dignity.

DJ in NC

…

DJ is a grizzled Gripe Report vet, but I don’t think he’s being curmudgeonly at all. 

Look, when I was a kid, I thought Boise State’s blue turf was the coolest thing ever. 

As an adult? It just gives me a headache.

I can appreciate the programs are trying to do things their own way, but you’re never going to improve upon a green football field. It’s perfect, and when you flip on a game, and you see a blue or teal or gray or whatever, it scrambles the circuitry in my brain.

Sure, I like the idea of stadiums having their own character. That’s fun, but I like it when those characteristics add to the game or create a unique challenge, and colored turf does neither. It’s just colored turf.

I understand why it’s done, but I agree with DJ: we need to standardize football field colors. Y

You can pick any color, so long as it’s one of like four shades of green.

Crocs With Socks

William is dropping a double gripe on us and while I think one of them will be universally agreed upon, his second gripe might divide the room a little bit.

People who chew with their mouth open and smack. Also, people who wear socks with Crocs.

…

I don’t think there’s a non-pervy human alive who doesn’t hate the sound of people smacking their lips together while they chew, but Crocs with socks? That’s gonna be a little closer to 50/50.

Alright, 60/40 against… fine; 75/25 against.

I’m open about my affinity for Crocs. I see them as the ideal shoe to wear when you have to make a last-minute trip to the store or let the dog out.

Do they make you look like you’re fighting a brutal case of gout? A little, but believe it or not, Crocs are in right now with the kids, and not only Crocs but Crocs with socks.

Is it hateable? Sure, but on the level of people who chew with their mouth hanging open like cattle? I don’t think so.

Still, I don’t really get the point of the Croc/sock combo. The nice thing about Crocs is that they’re semi-covered, but still let your dogs breathe.

I’m torn on this one, so In what I believe is a first in the illustrious history of The Gripe Report, I had to reach out to William for clarification. It seemed like it was important to know if this stemmed from a hatred of Crocs or specifically Crocs with socks, so I asked.

Here is what William said:

I’m a sandal guy. Crocs are like Velcro shoes for the lazy. 

That may have been the last response I ever expected. I didn’t see this coming from the often-overlooked pro-sandal camp. And velcro shoes?! Just because Crocs are enjoyed by kids, nurses, and the elderly doesn’t make them Velcro shoes for the lazy.

The fact Crocs and Velcro shoes have the same target demos is merely a coincidence (at least that’s what I keep telling myself).

…

Whew, that was some good groping if I may say so myself.

Hey, here’s an idea. Let’s do it again next week!

In the meantime, send your best gripes — preferably Halloween-related ones if you’ve got any — and we’ll take a look!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com