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If you listen to some people, the Jews are behind everything that goes on in the world. But does that theory hold up under scrutiny? You’d be surprised.

The Babylon Bee conducted an investigation into the matter and put together the following list of bad things that happen in your everyday life that can most likely be blamed on the Jews:

  1. You hit three red lights in a row: “They” did it again.

  2. You ran out of free Google storage yesterday: Interesting that this hasn’t happened to your Jewish friend Moshe.

  3. The bowls on the top rack of the dishwasher didn’t get clean again: Things like this don’t just “happen.”

  4. Your sandcastle got washed away overnight: You know they control the ocean tides too, right? It’s a known fact.

  5. Male-pattern baldness: It may seem unrelated, but that’s just what certain people want you to think.

  6. Your avocado is not quite ripe: Take a guess who probably owns the farm where that avocado was grown.

  7. The check engine light in your ’97 Ford Taurus won’t shut off: There can be only one explanation.

  8. McDonald’s put onions on your Quarter Pounder with cheese when you clearly and specifically said “no onions”: Mossad agents are everywhere.

  9. Your pager exploded the other day: Okay, this one probably isn’t much of a conspiracy theory.

There it is — indisputable evidence. Don’t act like you haven’t suspected it yourself. And if you haven’t suspected it, who do you think is to blame for that? Exactly.

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