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TUSCALOOSA, AL — Elders at First Bible Church of Tuscaloosa recently placed the church’s head pastor Bob “Jimbo” James on leave after he gave a sermon without incorporating even one single college football analogy.

According to congregants at First Bible, congregants became concerned when Pastor Jimbo began to approach the 30-minute mark of his sermon without having mentioned the comeback over South Carolina, Coach DeBoer, or even saying “Roll Tide.”

“Things were getting a bit edgy,” said Marty Travis, a member of First Bible Church and Crimson Tide alumnus. “He had such an easy opportunity to say how the inseparable operations of the Triune Godhead are kinda like a football play. You know, where the offensive lineman blocking and the quarterback throwing and wide receiver catching is all one play, but all of them acting together at once. He didn’t say anything like that — and he didn’t even hype the Tide! Is he even saved?”

According to First Bible Church’s Board of Elders, Pastor Jimbo will be on probation until he has successfully shown the church that he can work the Crimson Tide into any sermon, no matter how much of a stretch.

At publishing time, Pastor Jimbo had been reinstated after somehow working in three college football references during a mid-week funeral.

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