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U.S. — The Kamala campaign was forced to pay gay actors to make a new ad about manliness after unsuccessfully searching the country for four straight male supporters.

“Oh, I’m sure they can just act like they’re straight,” said campaign coordinator Julie Rodriguez. “Just have them sit on trucks and talk about carburetors, I’m sure no one will be the wiser.”

With Kamala on pace to lose the male vote by a historic margin, the campaign scoured the country looking for four straight dudes to appear in a campaign touting the manliness of voting Democrat. “We searched everywhere. Nothing but chicks and homos,” said campaign aide Dawn Harding. “We asked Tim Walz if he had any straight friends, but he just laughed and did jazz hands. The media team had no choice but to just pay the gays.”

Despite the video showing the gay men doing really manly things like hanging out in a gym and sitting cross-legged on a truck bed, somehow the public was not fooled. “I was so sure that a gay man using expletives to talk about how much he liked braiding hair was going to sway the male vote,” said Rodriguez. “Do men not eat carburetors any more? Ugh, what do we have to do to get that evil, dumb, good-for-nothing gender to vote for us?”

At publishing time, the Kamala campaign had released a new ad targeting gays in which men yell about “eating musicals for breakfast.”

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