Employment Opportunities for Liberal Activists: Hamas and Hezbollah Are

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We’re two days away from the one-year anniversary of the October 7 terrorist attacks in Israel, when Hamas murderers began butchering, raping, kidnapping, and mutilating 2,000 unarmed Jews. Hezbollah quickly followed with a barrage of missiles, tormenting and terrorizing Jewish populations.

For the first few months — October, November, December, and January — Israel was on the ropes. Mossad, its legendary intelligence organization, was reeling. Netanyahu was about as popular as a pork chop.

And now?

It’s a brand-new day in the Middle East.

Isn’t it amazing what the “good guys” can do when they’re actually allowed to be good?

Israel’s yearlong military campaign against Hamas was so successful that the biggest complaint of Israel’s critics is that the Palestinians have now suffered TOO much. (Of course, they don’t seem to have suffered enough to voluntarily return any of the Israeli hostages.) From their flooded tunnel systems to tens of thousands of slaughtered Arab militants, Hamas is now a hollowed husk — a half-dead corpse — and the latest embers on the shameful ash-heap of antisemitism:

Hitler. Haman. Herod. Hamas. Hezbollah. Holocaust. (The letter H certainly hasn’t been a happy harbinger for the Jewish people.)

Hezbollah was supposed to be a far greater challenge than Hamas: Armed to the teeth with Iranian petro-Rials (and billions of dollars from America, courtesy of the Obama administration), Hezbollah was specifically designed to serve as Iran’s check on Israel — a proxy force that would box in those pesky, meddlesome Jews, and force the Israelis to live with a gun permanently pointed at their kippahs. This was the new status quo.

Israel decided differently.

Shortly thereafter, “someone” sold Hezbollah a bunch of beepers, walkie-talkies, and more. (And at a great price, too!) You know what happened next.

And today, the leadership of Hezbollah is almost all gone: They’re now being led by the dopes, dunces, dullards, and dimwits who weren’t smart enough to deserve a beeper last month! Savants, they’re not.

Which means… there’s a GREAT employment opportunity for liberal activists in America: Why not move to the Middle East and join Hamas and Hezbollah?

Iran still has money. I’m sure they’d be delighted to cut a check.

Since these left-wing activists are so certain they know what’s best for the Jews, Muslims, Christians, Druze, Yazidis, and others in the Middle East, then certainly they’d be willing to travel to Gaza or Lebanon and offer their services. Right?

After all, wouldn’t that be more productive than harassing Jewish students on college campuses?

Advice for Liberal activists: When you apply for jobs at Hamas and Hezbollah, please be sure to specify your pronouns. And if you need a “safe space” for your LGBTQ+ colleagues, just give your new employers a heads-up. (Best way to avoid any micro-aggressions or “toxic masculinity” from the Patriarchy.)

Besides, now that the Biden-Harris administration has exploded inflation and utterly annihilated the housing market, it’s not like these activists will ever be able to afford a home in the States. But the real estate deals in the Gaza Strip? >Chef’s Kiss<

And don’t forget about the tourism opportunities. There’s the annual Running of the Tanks (fun for the whole family)! Plus, there’s the Palestinian version of Octoberfest… only instead of beer and partying, there’s poverty and hummus.

Seems like a win-win.

Clearly, these Antifa-adjacent liberal thugs are deeply displeased with the large numbers of Jews in America. Wouldn’t it make sense for ‘em to relocate to an area where the ratio is more to their liking? So, maybe we could follow the Governor DeSantis strategy of shipping illegals to Martha’s Vineyard — only we bypass Martha’s Vineyard, skip across a few more time zones, and ship these thugs to the Middle East… where they could use their talents to achieve world peace.

Best of all, it would probably raise the IQ scores in North America AND the Middle East.