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ASHEVILLE, NC — A hurricane victim struggling to keep his head above flood waters was relieved when he heard the sound of a rescue chopper overhead that brought him much-needed relief when it dropped a $750 government check.

The desperate man looked up, his eyes stinging from debris kicked up by the helicopter’s roaring blades, and was overwhelmed by a feeling of gratitude as he snatched the fluttering $750 check out of the air.

“Finally!” he said. “Now I won’t drown. I’ll be able to — replace one of my couches, I guess.”

The helicopter promptly departed, presumably to deliver checks to others in danger of drowning.

“Hey, wait! I can help you pass out checks!”

But it was too late; the government official was busy. He had more checks to pass out and little time to do it.

“It’s a tough job,” a FEMA employee who graciously volunteered to pass out checks via helicopter said later. “We’ve got to be quick before these people drown. They need these checks. This $750 will fix everything.”

The man from the harrowing story above was later identified as William Thumpridge, an Asheville native who taught at the elementary school. He survived, and he owes it all to the check.

“Sure, it won’t be enough to replace my home, but it was just barely enough to cover the cost of a meal at Five Guys. I never get to go there because it’s so expensive but today, thanks to the government, I can eat like a king. A king who likes bacon cheeseburgers.”

At publishing time, William Thumpridge was dismayed to learn that the nearest Five Guys had been swept away in the flood.

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