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When I was a kid, I was obsessed with cryptozoology, and I spent more hours watching Bigfoot documentaries and not doing homework than I would really care to admit.

While I still love that stuff, I did have epiphany in my teenage years, which was that if any of these documentaries I loved so much on History Channel and Travel Channel actually found evidence that Bigfoot or any other of my favorite cryptids — Mothman, Loch Ness Monster, Mokele-mbembe (not to be confused with French soccer superstar Kylian Mbappé), the Jersey Devil, etc. — it would be massive, international news and would not be buried on deep cable airing at 10 p.m. on a Wednesday.

However, times have changed. So perhaps proof could come from TikTok?

Well, that’s what TikTok user @E_ManAlfaro is claiming, according to The New York Post, after allegedly capturing footage of the legendary beast in Oklahoma’s Parallel Forest. 

Well, how about we take a look at this footage and then make up our minds, what do you say?

Uh… I think I’m going to need a bit more than this.

Let’s Break It Down…

Now, this is just my humble opinion as a very handsome writer/amateur cryptozoologist, but I see a dude in the Sasquatch costume from the Jack Links Beef Jerky commercials. The ones where people mess with him. Mess with Sasquatch.

 What I will say is that if anyone ever stumbles upon some proof of Bigfoot, it will be something super mundane such as picking his teeth with a twig like we see in this video. We’d encounter Sasquatch ripping a deuce in the woods or cleaning itself in a creek.

So picking his teeth while sitting against a tree like a dude waiting for a bus. That tracks.

While I’m leaning toward this not being a real video of Sasquatch, it did occur to me that one thing that’s going to ruin all attempted Bigfoot hoaxes moving forward is how good cell phone cameras are. 

I know that’s a running joke about Bigfoot — that he’s always blurry in photos — but now, cameras are so good, that it’s harder to take a blurry photo than it is a crisp one. The blurriness made it a lot easier to pass off a gorilla costume you rented from Spirit Halloween as a real Sasquatch because of the lack of detail. 

Now? Not so much.

So on the off chance that you’re bored and want to fake a Bigfoot encounter, might I suggest slathering a little Vasleine on your camera lens? I think that will go a long way in furthering the ruse.

So, what say you? Is that some real-deal footage of Bigfoot or a pretty solid attempt at a hoax? Let me know: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com