Brittany Furlan Saves Dog From Coyote, Lane Kiffin Throws Shade At Ex-Wife

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You know how some elderly folks reach the point where they just don’t give a damn anymore?

I don’t mean that in a morbid way. I mean they’re old enough, wise enough and experienced enough that they no longer spend their time worrying about frivolous nonsense, society’s expectations or trying to please people they don’t even like.

My grandpa is that way. He speaks freely without a filter, he drinks whiskey when he wants to, and he spends his time doing the things that bring him joy.

And now, I fear, my elderly dog has reached that point, too.

She’s perfectly healthy — I mean, aside from the normal joint aches that plague a 15-and-a-half year old mutt. But Lucy’s been losing her hearing over the past couple of years, and this summer, she came down with a double ear infection that ultimately took away what little she had left.

Now that she’s deaf as a doornail, she doesn’t listen for sh*t. She has lost all sense of decorum.

This morning, I was sitting on the couch drinking my coffee and catching up on NFL news. My husband walked into the living room carrying a scrumptious bacon, egg, turkey and cheese breakfast sandwich he had just concocted, and he set it down on the ottoman. He walked back into the kitchen to grab a napkin.

Faster than you can say “sourdough,” Lucy came swooping in and grabbed the top piece of bread off the sandwich. In my state of shock, I wasn’t quick enough to stop her, but I was able to save the rest of the sandwich (and spill my coffee all over the floor, in the process).

This animal used to be so well-behaved — impressively, so. When she was a puppy, I had the fortune of knowing a former military canine handler who taught her how to sit, stay, lie down, jump, heel, speak and fetch expeditiously and on command. But in her old age, she now practices what I call “selective obedience.”

My husband was not happy about this surprise assault on his breakfast sandwich, so he put Lucy in the backyard.

“This dog has gotten way too brazen,” he says. “She’s going outside whenever we eat from now on.”

I know darn well he’s a big softy, and he won’t stick to that policy. But, y’all, you would have thought Lucy was being tortured out there by the way she cried and pawed at the door. The princess is not used to such peasant treatment, and she had every mind to alert the authorities. Part of me actually felt bad for her. The other part of me couldn’t stop laughing at the pitiful way she shoved her nose up against the glass.

“PETA will hear about this.”

Calm down, Sarah McLachlan. She has a half acre of fenced-in backyard to roam, and it was a cool, cloudy 72 degrees outside. She wasn’t suffering.

But, as I write this, Lucy is nestled back into her spot on the sofa, hugging her Lambchop toy and snoring into a fluffy pillow.

And she still doesn’t give a damn.

Nor should you — because it’s 4 p.m. ET on hump day. Log out of your email, grab a cold beverage and kick on back. It’s Nightcaps time!

Brittany Furlan Takes On A Coyote

Brittany Furlan is Tommy Lee’s wife, by the way. That might be common knowledge, I don’t know. She does have 2.2 million Instagram followers. But I wasn’t familiar with the name, so we’re just covering our bases here.

But I am familiar with her now, because she did the most badass things I’ve seen on the Internet this week. She saved her dog from a coyote!

Britt and Tommy’s two dachshunds were hanging out in the backyard of their Los Angeles-area home when a coyote jumped the wall and snatched one of the dachshunds, 10-year-old Neena, like a piece of sourdough bread off a breakfast sandwich.

Footage from the couple’s security cameras shows Brittany racing out of the house in her bathrobe, screaming at the top of her lungs. Not that I blame her, because Lord knows I would become a raging lunatic if I found myself in this situation.

Fortunately, Brittany was able to climb the wall and grab Neena right out of the coyote’s mouth before he got away! I hope she punched that coyote and drop-kicked it all the way to Compton, too, just for good measure.

(PETA’s already mad at me for eating bacon and subjecting my dog to the outdoors, so I might as well pile on.)

“Thank God she’s a little bit fat because he couldn’t make it over the wall with her,” Brittany captioned the post. “If it was teenie she would’ve been gone.”

So there you go. If you needed another reason to enjoy that burger and fries, just let everyone know that being a little bit fat will make it harder for a coyote to eat you.

Here’s a closer look at Neena, who is very lucky her mom was looking out for her on Tuesday afternoon.

For anyone wondering, Tommy and Brittany live in Brentwood, a neighborhood on the west side of Los Angeles in the Santa Monica Mountains.

And in all seriousness, if you live in a place where coyotes roam, please don’t let your small pets go outside unattended. When I lived in Phoenix a decade ago, coyotes (actual ones, not the hockey ones) were a constant problem for folks on the outskirts of the city.

Fortunately, Brittany had a close eye on Neena and was able to save her.

Lane Kiffin Throws Shade At Ex-Wife

Ole Miss head coach Lane Kiffin sometimes makes an appearance in his daughter Landry’s TikTok videos. And if I didn’t despise him so much, it would almost be endearing.

On Saturday, Landry, who is a student at Ole Miss, posted a “get ready with me” video ahead of the Rebels’ game against Georgia Southern. It just so happened to be Parents Weekend in Oxford, so Landry’s mother, Layla (Lane’s ex-wife), also planned to attend the Week 4 game.

“She hasn’t been to a game all year, but we are ranked fifth in the country,” Lane said, taking a casual dig at his ex. “Everybody loves a winner.”

Listen, as a University of Tennessee alumna who was on campus as a student when Lane Kiffin packed up and left us in the middle of the night to take the USC job, I don’t want to hear one word from that man about loyalty and bandwagoning.

Anyway, here’s the video:

Lane and Layla were married in 2004 and had three children before they split in 2016.

And, despite Lane throwing shade on TikTok, the two still get along just fine. At least, it seems that way in this “family fit check” video.

Don’t tell my fellow Vol fans I said this, but LaneTok is actually pretty funny.

Sexy Ozempic Shots, Anyone?

There’s a line in the 2004 cinematic masterpiece Mean Girls, where Lindsay Lohan’s character, Cady, says: “Halloween is the one night of the year when you can dress like a slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”

While I don’t recommend going around calling anyone a slut during spooky season (or ever), the adage is true.

And nothing demonstrates this phenomenon better than my favorite Halloween YouTube video: “Girls’s Costume Warehouse.” If you’re a tenured Nightcaps reader, you may have seen it before. I can’t stop, won’t stop sharing it as an annual Fall tradition.

Can you believe that’s been on YouTube for 17 years?!

But if we were going to, hypothetically, recreate the ol’ “Girls’s Costume Warehouse” bit, we’d need to give it a 2024 pop culture update. And look no further than the latest costume to hit the market: Sexy Ozempic Shot.

OK, for trademark reasons, they can’t actually call it “sexy Ozempic.” Instead, Yandy has it listed on the website as the “Sooo Snatched Costume.” And if you’re interested, you can buy this hot little number for the lady in your life for just $39.95. (Although the company recommends you pair it with their 6.5-inch (!!!) stiletto heels for an additional $73.95.)

Honestly, I didn’t know whether to find this funny or just a sad testament to the state of society right now. But then I looked at Yandy’s Instagram account, and it’s definitely the second one.

Two other pop culture new releases include sexy Stanley tumbler (“Thirst Quencher”) and sexy Boeing flight attendant (“Hoeing in the Air.”) The back of the flight attendant dress has a warning label on the butt that says, “Caution: Keep Door Closed.”

Sure makes you miss the simpler days of Sexy Mustard and Sexy 1900s Steel Conglomerate Tycoon.