The Gripe Report: Moisture-Wicking Clothing, Energy Drinks, People Who Don’t Understand Merging

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Happy Friday, and welcome to another edition of OutKick’s preeminent complaint-centric weekly feature, The Gripe Report!

Like a good many of you, I’m overloaded with streaming apps these days. 

Max, Paramount+, Prime Video, Netflix, Peacock, Hulu, Disney+, ESPN+ and more.

It’s ridiculous and the price really starts to add up. However, the great irony of this is that the streamer we might watch most in this household is Tubi, which is free. We use it to put Unsolved Mysteries, Forensic Files, Mystery Science Theater 3000, and/or Rifftrax on pretty much all day. That’s not a plug for another company under the Fox umbrella, it’s just true. It’s even what we put on for the dog when we leave. 

At this point, he’s watched it so much that I think the little guy could solve a murder or riff on a bad movie. 

Have a Gripe? Send it in!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com

The way I’ve justified this obscene collection of streamers for years now is that each streamer is like a tool in my TV-watching tool belt and serves its own unique purpose.

For instance, ESPN+ is for the NHL and college football and Peacock is for IndyCar (for one more race). Meanwhile, I got Disney+ the day it launched exclusively for The Simpsons (although, I did like that 9-hour Beatles documentary where they write “Get Back” and Yoko Ono sits there and mopes the whole time).

That is until recently, when I went on to Disney+ to watch me some classic Simpsons, when I saw King of the Hill listed on the screen.

“Hold on a second,” I said. “What the hell is this? We have Hulu for King of the Hill and that Keanu Reaves F1 documentary!”

I thought to myself that maybe they were just moving things around and that Disney+ is the new streaming home of King of the Hill.

I checked Hulu and nope, it was still there. I started looking around and I found tons of Disney+/Hulu crossover and this left me fuming.

Why am I paying for two streamers that offer the same things? I mean, I’d be willing to pay the same price, but just ditch one of the apps. Having two apps with most of the same things on them drives me insane.

So drop Hulu, Matt, you drooling idiot.

Hey, I’m not drooling (*wipes drool from corner of mouth*), the problem is that Disney+, ESPN+, and Hulu are all bundled together. So, I’m afraid that if I ditch Hulu, I’ll end up paying more for just Disney+ and ESPN+.

I had this happen to me at Taco Bell once. They had a combo meal with a burrito, a taco, and a drink for like $7.49. That day, I wasn’t that hungry so I said to the taco jockey taking my order, “Just give me the burrito and a Baja Blast.”

That came out to like $8.75.

So by unbundling, I paid more and that’s my concern with this streaming situation.

Sure, I could probably work it all out with a couple of Google searches and a bit of math, but I’m a busy man with a myriad of gripes to get to.

Speaking of which…

Moisture-Wicking Anything

Jeff is coming in hot with a great gripe this week about something you wear when it’s hot, and that’s moisture-wicking clothing: 

Good day sir.  What the hell is the deal with moisture–wicking clothing?  Seriously.  It doesn’t make any sense.  I know it’s been around for maybe 20 years or so, but I feel like I’m missing something.  Where does it wick the moisture away to?  It’s not magic, so the moisture doesn’t just disappear.  Like moisture–wicking underwear, it just “wicks” the moisture away onto your freaking jeans.  So then you have a dark, wet boxer brief outline on your pants contrasted against the lighter-colored dry spots.  Am I an idiot or does this just not make any freaking sense?  Now, I’ve worn my fair share of dry-fit t-shirts and such, but they get just as wet as a regular cotton t-shirt, right?  Polyester’s not a natural fiber after all.  Cotton breathes!     

…

Full marks for the Seinfeld reference to stick the dismount on one hell of a gripe.

I have tried to figure out this same exact phenomenon. I’ve got some moisture-wicking items I dig, but for the most part, that style of material has some real issues.

I remember after a long day on the golf course, one of those in our foursome (it was not me, I’d cop to it if it was) was mortified to walk into the bar afterward with a giant sweat stain right on the ass of his khaki shorts.

He was adamant that this shouldn’t have happened because, in his mind, moisture-wicking underwear would never do him wrong like that. 

I made Jeff’s exact argument which is that moisture-wicking just moves the moisture to whatever is next. It’s not teleporting it into another dimension.

Also, I think someone needs to work out the funk factor with moisture-wicking clothing. I don’t know what’s going on, but no matter how much you wash a moisture-wicking shirt, it will continue to stink with the ghosts of workouts past.

You can get caught off-guard by this too. Sometimes it doesn’t smell until you put it on, but the second you sweat even a drop, it activates the stink.

You know, what? The more I think about it, the more I have no clue why we put up with moisture-wicking stuff but I own a bunch of it.

Energy Drinks

Rick is checking in this week with a gripe about energy drinks:

I can’t believe manufacturers are allowed to call caffeinated drinks “energy” drinks. Caffeine doesn’t give you energy or help your body to be more energetic. It blocks the feeling of tiredness in your brain. Not feeling tired is way different than the energy you get from say exercising. It’s also dangerous because you think you’re solving your tiredness issue but you’re just masking it. What you really need is more sleep, better nutrition, or a better exercise plan. Red Bull gives you wings- what bs. 

Thanks,

Rick 

…

I’m with Rick on this one to a point. I’m not an energy drink guy and never have been. I’m a black coffee guy. That gives me the quick hit of energy (or as Rick pointed out, the feeling of not being tired) that I need to get up and provide the world with the blogs and articles it so desires.

I think energy drinks often way overdo it in the caffeine department for most people’s needs. Most of the time you just need to perk up, not run an Ironman Triathlon. It’s kind of like trying to get rid of a bee’s nest in a gazebo (I’ve never been in a gazebo that didn’t have a bee/wasp/hornet’s nest in it, and I’ve been in at least like half a dozen gazebos), but instead of just knocking it down with the end of a broom, you open fire on it with a mortar.

Sure, it gets the job done, but the methods were a bit excessive.

My biggest problem with energy drinks aside from the adverse health effects is that every single one has to be EXRTREEEEEEME!!!!!!

It’s exhausting. Every single one is like, “Hey drink this and you’ll backflip a dirtbike” or “Chug this, bro, and you can base jump off the Burj Khalifa.”

Where’s the energy drink that’s like, “Hey, we know you were up late watching another crappy Thursday Night Football game, so drink this and you’ll make it through the workday without keeling over in your cubicle.”

I think that would do well, because contrary to what most energy companies would have you believe, most of us aren’t trying to jump the Snake River Canyon in a rocket most of the time.

Merging

For our last gripe of the week, we’re hitting the highways of Wisconsin with Kevin to talk about people who just can’t understand the mechanics of proper merging:

Summertime in WI means road construction and that means single lanes on the highway.  Why is it so hard for people to understand how to merge into one lane?  What drives me nuts is everyone getting over BEFORE the merge point!  It backs traffic way up and then what gets even better is when people or trucks block the open lane up to the merge point and lose their mind if you drive to the merge point and then just merge.  Why is it so hard to understand that the FASTEST way to merge to one lane is to form two lanes up to the merge point and just take turns?  One car at a time.  It goes way faster, the backup is much shorter and no one gets angry.  

…

I see this all the time, and Kevin is right, most people muff the merge on a regular merge.

Those zipper-style merges are designed to have cars merge together one at a time like the teeth of, you know, a zipper.

But what I think the issue is that while they’d work in a perfect world, in a real world where idiots are allowed to have driver’s licenses too, they fall apart if one person doesn’t just go with the merging flow.

I also think that sometimes, the people doing the correct merge technique of going around someone trying to cut in get mistaken for a different phenomenon and that is people who see a line of cars at a light or waiting to exit, but then drive past everyone and try to cut in up the line.

That one drives me insane, and I have been known to try and set picks in an effort to stop it.

This is yet another example of why the best way to drive is by simply following the rules of the road because they’re typically (but not always) designed to get people from A to B as safely and quickly as possible.

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That’s it for another fantastic (if I may say so myself) edition of The Gripe Report. 

Class will be back in session same time next week, so be sure to send in those gripes: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com.