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Joy abounded at the Democrat National Convention last week as the entire party celebrated a successful democratic overthrow of decrepit old Joe Biden after his huge, rigged win to become the Democrat presidential candidate back during those antiquated things called primaries. What a great guy, pretending to run for a second term and winning the primary so Kamala could steal it from him fair and square. Good ol’ Joe! The 100% commitment to democracy was visible as Democrats dressed up as red blooded Americans and carefully waved Old Glory for the cameras, being careful not to actually touch it lest they get burned. Pride flags were quietly let back out of the closet after the close of festivities, and American flags responsibly composted. But that’s not all that happened lo these past seven days!

Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.

Top Headlines of the Week – headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:

  • Kamala Charts A New Way Forward Like Thelma And Louise @gfanson

  • ‘Trump Is Whining’ Says Man Who Hasn’t Been Spied On, Impeached, Lawfared Or Shot @disidente_redactico

  • ‘Joy. You Keep Using That Word. We Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means.’ -Op-Ed By Christians @kirgol

  • Kamala Awakens To A Dead Bear In Her Bed @thebigfreeze

  • DNC Convention Makes Local Plywood Salesman Tim Jeffries Richest Man In Chicago @dontslowtheearth

  • Biden Delivers Own Eulogy In Chicago @carolyn1

  • RFK Angered By Democrats, Turns Into Conservative Hulk @showquest

  • WHO Reports Monkeypox Outbreak In Chicago Just Coincidental And Not Because Of DNC Convention @drconservativeprof

  • Struggling Americans Would Gladly Relieve Obamas Of Their $70Million Dollar Oppression @ruthiej714

  • “Yes, You Look Lovely Tonight” Says King Solomon For The Thousandth Time @twoplus2ischicken

  • DNC Honors Biden’s 12 Years Of Service Under Obama @eversong

  • Biden Appoints VP Harris Space Station Czar @neohillbilly

  • Satan Spends Entire DNC Dodging Hillary Clinton @unclecrumpty

  • Rashida Tlaib Reminds Pro-Israel Protesters That Israel Is Where The Jews Live @fishythepenguin

  • Lone Reporter Standing In Press Briefing Room For Over Three Years Still Waiting On Jen Psaki To Circle Back On His Question @slateslabrock

  • Study: 5-Year-Olds More Excited About Snacks Than Trans Sex-Ed @hamnetwall55

  • Weinermobile Provides Free Prostate Exams For Women At DNC @realmccoy

Sometimes, really great headlines don’t make it to the top so here are some of my favs:

  • Life Hack: Introvert Avoids Human Interaction With Emotional Support Howler Monkey @muaddweeb

  • Chicago Residents Complain Of Growing Sulfur Smell @kirgol

  • Harris Adopts Trump’s Platform In Desperate Attempt To Discredit It @michaelbmurphy

  • DNC Convention Offering Free Lobotomies @buzzyboy

  • CA Couples Renounce Citizenship For Better Interest Rates @concernedleftist

  • Democrats Confirm 2028 DNC Will Offer Free Sex Changes For Children @tsellnow

  • Stranded Astronauts Give Up And Call An Uber @thegrandmaster

  • Burning American Flag Extinguished, Marking Close Of 2024 DNC @mrhugs

  • Archaeologists Age Minivan By Goldfish Layers @webidtheefarewell

  • Turns Out Doc Who Performed Vasectomies At DNC Named Dr. Jill @dontslowtheearth

  • Democrats Finally Agree To Defund PBS After Sesame Street Trump Rally @fonzie

@BONUS – One randomly selected headline:

Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!

Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico

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