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U.S. — Polling averages of the 2024 presidential election compiled by the Silver Bulletin indicate presidential candidate Kamala Harris has a commanding lead with people who’ve recently been hit on the head with a giant rubber mallet.

“Correlation does not imply causation,” a spokesperson for Kamala Harris said. “We are sure that group is very diverse and the fact they are suffering from brain damage is incidental to their support for Ms. Harris.”

American statistician Nate Silver says the numbers don’t lie. “Without fail, an individual who has been hit on the head with a giant rubber mallet will support Kamala Harris. There is even evidence to suggest that former Trump supporters switched over to Kamala Harris after being struck by a mallet. Instead of questioning my results, you should be trying to find whoever keeps hitting these people with rubber mallets.”

“This seems pretty far fetch — OW!” Fox News anchor Sean Hannity said while being struck by a bandit wielding a giant rubber mallet. “On second thought, Kamala has done a pretty good job on the border.”

At publishing time, Nate Silver announced that Kamala Harris supporters crushed by a giant anvil falling from the sky tended to support RFK Jr.

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