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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Showing himself once again to be a man of the people, independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. told an interviewer a story about the time he hijacked an airplane, parachuted out with bags of money, and got away scot-free.

The inspiring tale was just one portion of the tremendous tapestry of stories woven by Kennedy during his time on the campaign trail, aimed at informing the media and the voting public about who RFK Jr. really is.

“It’s a wild story from my younger days,” Kennedy said nonchalantly. “Yeah, I was just taking a quick flight from Portland to Seattle when I heard that there was a ton of cash on board. I figured, ‘Hey, I’m here, the money’s here… why not pull a crazy heist?’ I made a big scene, demanded to be provided with a parachute, and just bailed out of there with all the money. Anyway… I totally got away with it. It was really something.”

Witnesses said the reporter was enraptured by the story and relayed to his fellow journalists what an affable, charming guy Kennedy was. “He’s got the greatest stories,” one member of the media said. “Last week, he told me about the time he bodyslammed Andre the Giant in front of 93,000 fans at Wrestlemania 3. And there was also that story he told about the time he hit a home run off of Cy Young. Amazing stuff.”

At publishing time, Kennedy had just finished regaling the media about what it was like the day he killed Osama bin Laden.

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