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WORLD — In keeping with the Olympics’ commitment to sexual violence and Satan worship, the International Olympic Committee announced today that the 2028 games would be held in the towns of Sodom and Gomorrah.

“They’re a natural fit for us,” explained Olympic Committee director Max Durgen. “Violent sexual debauchery forced upon unsuspecting visitors? Check. Openly mocking the Lord God? Check. They’ll be hard pressed to top Paris, but I think they’re up to the task.”

According to sources, the Olympic Committee has sought ensure that fun games between nations meant to promote peace and friendship also destroy the innocence of any children who might be watching. “If you’re not sexualizing a little kid who’s just trying to watch his country’s swim team, what are you even doing?” asked marketing chair Steph Reginald. “Everyone needs to see Jesus mocked when they’re wanting to watch gymnastics, and that mockery must include visible testicles. It’s what the Olympics are all about, and that’s why Sodom and Gomorrah will be the perfect host cities.”

After years of being a pariah over their history of sexual violence, Sodom and Gomorrah have seen a dramatic change in fortune over the past decade. “People have really come around,” said Sodom mayor Bangs Magill. “We’re really excited to welcome so many visitors, and show them that famous Sodom hospitality we’re known for.”

At publishing time, France had decided to give Sodom a run for its money by doing a closing ceremony featuring a live virgin sacrifice to Beelzebub.

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