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MILWAUKEE, WI — Sources close to local man Peter Thompson say that the self-appointed guardian of proper language scored big-time last week by successfully correcting someone else’s grammar, but tragically lost not just one, but all two of his former friends as a result of his irritating dedication.

According to eyewitnesses, Thompson was having a conversation with Daniel Marillo and Patrick McGuffins, the last two people in the world who would put up with his supercilious pedantry, when he corrected Patrick’s misuse of the word “less” when he really ought to have said “fewer.”

“Patrick just kinda looked at me and then they both walked away shaking their heads,” Thompson recalled mournfully. “But I had to stand by it — he said there were ‘less grammar nuts in the world now than there were a few years ago’ and he really should have said ‘fewer’! What, was I supposed to just let it slide and keep going with the conversation? Here I stand — my conscience is bound by the Oxford Dictionary of English Grammar and it is neither safe nor right to go against good grammar!”

At publishing time, Thompson was unavailable for further comment, as he had just found someone on the internet who needed the distinction between the en dash and the em dash explained to them.

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