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STEUBENVILLE, OH — Roman Catholics and Protestants across America released a joint statement that reveals how much they look forward to defeating the Left so that they can get back to more entertaining engagements like fighting each other on issues of doctrine and church practices.

The statement, which was simultaneously published on Catholic and Protestant websites, showed that both Catholics and Protestants are itching to finish up dealing with wokeness and secularism so they can get back to more important business like spewing rage at each other.

“Facing the pressing issues of the day is nice and all,” commented Bishop Robert Barron, founder of the Catholic ministry Word on Fire. “But it would be really nice to get back to refuting the issues of our dear Protestant brethren who are separated from the safe haven of the Catholic Church — the true Church. I long for a good old-fashioned argument on justification, purgatory, or the rosary, instead of having to define what a woman is.”

Protestant leaders as diverse as Lutheran Jordan Cooper, Reformed Baptists John Piper and John MacArthur, Presbyterian Peter Leithart, and apologist James K. A. Smith expressed agreement with Bishop Barron’s statements as well.

“Oooh, we’d just love to get back to correcting the abuses of the Catholic Church and preaching the Gospel,” Cooper agreed. “But we’ve got to keep explaining to people that adults shouldn’t be changing their kids’ genders. If only we could all just return to the days of arguing over Sola Scriptura and Sola Fide with the Catholics. Someday…”

At publishing time, the Orthodox had politely asked the Catholics and Protestants if they could join the argument afterward as long as they helped in the fight against the Left.

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