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SPOKANE, WA — Police arrested local man Thomas Macey this week after an officer caught him urinating on the Pride flag painted on a urinal.

“Once again, the gay community is under attack,” said LGBTQ activist Charity Plunge. “This man literally urinated on the symbol of gay pride, which we painted on the urinal. Is there no end to the hatred and bigotry?”

The LGBTQ community has declared Macey’s act of defecation the worst hate crime since someone called Caitlyn Jenner “sir” on live TV. “This is our 9/11,” said Plunge to reporters. “We are literally being murdered in airport bathrooms now, like a real genocide and everything. I am shaking in fear.”

According to sources, Macey told the judge he was simply going to the bathroom and did not mean to commit genocide. “I, um, I’m not sure what to say,” said Macey. “I walked into the men’s restroom and just went pee. I didn’t even notice it was painted like a pride flag until 15 police officers tackled me to the ground and tased me repeatedly. I’m, uh, sorry?”

As of publishing time, Macey’s bail had been set to forty million dollars. A signed affidavit from the prosecution states they’re seeking the death penalty.

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