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Most news sources only report the totally unbiased facts they want you to know, but reporters on the Babylon Bee forum like to tell you the whole unvarnished truth that is merely one, two or sometimes five steps ahead of reality. This past week you probably heard that Trump was convicted of something or other as some sort of fund-raising stunt, that Hunter Biden was on trial for exercising his second amendment right to buy a gun in the five minutes he wasn’t high on crack, and also that 4 hostages were rescued from their eight-month-long vacation with the good terrorists of Gaza. But did you know there was a shopping cart recall or that 51 intelligence officials have weighed in again on the Hunter Biden laptop scandal? I doubt it! And we even have an insider report on a little conversation Abraham had with Isaac on the way down from that mountaintop father/son adventure.

Read on for exclusive headlines that you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see important things no one else sees and say remarkable things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.

Top Headlines of the Week – headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:

  • Dad Gives Driving Lesson And Lives To Tell About It @kirgol

  • Shopping Cart Manufacturer Issues Recall For Carts That Touch Ground With All Four Wheels @webidtheefarewell

  • NIH Warns Deadly Bird Flu Most Contagious At In-Person Voting Locations @stankystankowicz

  • 51 Former Intelligence Officials Say FBI Coverup Of Hunter Biden Laptop Never Happened @showquest

  • Local Man Blames His Wife’s Handwriting After He Bought 10 Pounds Of Thick Cut Bacon Instead Of Iceberg Lettuce @fishythepenguin

  • Methodist Man Asks Forgiveness For Not Having Any Gay Thoughts During Pride Month @drconservativeprof

  • Ukraine Threatens To Not Accept Aid Unless Hunter Biden Prosecutor Fired @dontslowtheearth

  • Judge Starting To Question Why Hunter Keeps Bringing Powdered Donuts To Court @thebigfreeze

  • Merrick Garland Explains The Difference Between His Defiance Of A Subpoena And Steve Bannon’s Defiance Of A Subpoena @carolyn1

  • Biden Admin To Respond To All Questions With ‘Whaddya Gonna Do About It?’ @priehle

  • Biden Staff Reminded To Take His Watch Before D-Day Memorial @ponysoldier

  • Mom Judge Rules That A Bowl Of Croutons With Ranch Is Not A Salad @buzzyboy

  • After Examining John Fetterman, Conservative Scientists Begin Research On Inducing Strokes In Other Democrat Politicians @molivson

  • Biden Finally Closes The Southern Border. But Forgets To Lock It @atomik

  • FBI Warns They Might Commit Right-Wing Violence At A Pride Event, But Not Sure At This Point @unclecrumpty

  • Stay At Home Mom Teaches Daughters The Way Of The Coupons @reckless4life

Sometimes, really great headlines don’t make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:

  • “Hey, How About We Don’t Tell Mom About This?” Says Abraham On Walk Back Down Mountain @baberahamlincoln

  • Merchan Adds “No Debating” To Gag Order @mrtownsend

  • Kid Judge Sentences Notorious “Crayola Wall Scribbler” To Timeout Served @buzzyboy

  • New Bud Light Prius Showcased At Pride Parade @billragsdale

  • In Wake Of Trump Verdict, Turbo Tax Adds ‘Hush Money’ To Options Menu @acebiscuits

  • Due To Helium Leak, NASA / Boeing Scrub Funny High-Pitch Voice Tests From Mission @cheetahpilot

  • Hunter Biden’s Lawyers Argue He Should Not Be Prosecuted As Falsifying Federal Forms Is Part Of His Family’s Culture @ohdear

  • Free Thinking Liberal Surprised To Find She Is Now For Closed Borders @thebigfreeze

  • Local Wife Simply In Awe Of Husband’s Ability To Mow Straight Lines In Yard @genxambassador

  • Kamala Harris Quietly Removes ‘Border Czar’ From LinkedIn Profile @showquest

@BONUS – One randomly selected headline:

Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!

Cover photoshop by subscriber @Disidente_Redactico

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