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FRANCE — In a solemn and moving ceremony of remembrance on the 80th anniversary of the D-Day invasion, President Biden marked the occasion by dropping the first bomb on Normandy in 80 years.

“Help me out Jill, I’m having a bit of a D-Day of my own in my Depends here,” the President was overheard saying to the first lady as he bent over slowly and deposited a massive load of fecal matter in his pants. “Oh, boy, this is a big one. Get me out of here and help me clean this up before President Macron smells it! Not a joke!”

The President was then seen shuffling off in the middle of the ceremony, led by his wife, Dr. Jill Biden, who is a real doctor.

“This was a moving and completely on-purpose gesture from the President,” said White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre in a statement. “Biden loaded his drawers with dookie in solidarity with the thousands of German and Allied soldiers who also likely did the same thing on D-Day. That’s how much the President cares about our veterans.”

Sources say Biden was quickly cleaned up by a crew of staffers who are specially trained to for the task. “We are proud of Biden and his unwavering commitment to identifying with the struggles of our nation’s heroes,” concluded Jean-Pierre.

At publishing time, Biden had returned to the ceremony and quickly gone to sleep in solidarity with the honored dead.

We asked Trump to narrate 7 more famous historic battles, and the result was tremendous and magnificent. Everyone says so.


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