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WASHINGTON, DC — In the wake of a Wall Street Journal article revealing that President Biden has begun nodding off during meetings, White House aides have begun putting googly eyes on the President so that he always looks awake and alert.

White House insiders report that the break-through came after intern Jeff Denny was reading the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes and came across a panel where Calvin pretends to be paying attention in class by donning fake eyes drawn on ping-pong ball halves. “Boss! I’ve got it!” shouted Denny, rushing towards the Oval Office. “This will fix everything!”

After hearing Denny’s suggestion, White House staff immediately headed down to the Dollar Store. “We need twenty sets of googly eyes — and no questions,” said White House aide Kelly Higgins. “Let’s see them try to make fun of Biden now!”

At publishing time, President Biden seemed to look very intently at the new President of Mexico, but failed to give any official statement aside from the occasional, “Honk-shoo.”

We asked Trump to narrate 7 more famous historic battles, and the result was tremendous and magnificent. Everyone says so.


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