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MONTPELIER, VT — Local resident Deborah Johnson says she has found the ultimate solution to helping the men around her avoid lustful thoughts: wearing a romper.

“It’s not quite a pantsuit, not quite overalls, and definitely not a dress,” she noted. “It’s sort of like a school janitor’s uniform without the name badge. I would say it’s cut down on leering glances and unwelcome flirting by at least 95%.”

Johnson says she has bought one in every color and wears one at least 4 times per week.”I used to wear yoga pants most of the time, but I could tell they were causing men to stumble. One day, I saw a romper in a store window, and it just hit me: this hideous thing was the solution to all my problems!”

According to her friend Steve Morris, seeing Johnson in one of those things is like pouring a bucket of ice water directly onto his brain. “I used to notice how pretty she was, but ever since she started wearing rompers, I literally don’t notice her at all,” explained Morris. “It’s very helpful for preventing lustful thoughts. Last week, apparently she was at my house for three hours and I never even knew it. I was told later I had a thirty-minute conversation with her, and I have absolutely no recollection of seeing her. Looking away from rompers is completely involuntary.”

At publishing time, Johnson complained that she needed to use the bathroom, and that her romper require her to strip completely naked, at which point Morris noted that his lustful thoughts had returned.

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