Ladies, if you really want to be a Proverbs 31 woman, you need to be a hard worker, clean the house, take care of the kids, and make lots of sandwiches. This means you need to make efficient use of your free time. So, when your...
Read MoreFAYETTEVILLE, AR—Researchers at the University of Arkansas have confirmed that the more products people order from conservative podcasts, the more likely they are to make it through the apocalypse. “The survival gear these...
Read MoreCLAREMONT, CA—A small thrift shop in downtown Claremont has rebranded itself as “vintage” to increase prices by up to 800%. Business experts are calling the rebrand a genius marketing move that will drive sales....
Read MoreMESOPOTAMIA—After years of hunting and gathering, local tribal chief “Krug” is starting to sense that the constant quest to find food is really messing up his work-life balance. “Krug spend...
Read MoreLOW EARTH ORBIT—According to sources on the International Space Station, a sudden message appeared to astronauts stationed aboard the satellite as it passed over Texas recently. “I can make out the words ‘Hello this...
Read MoreSAN FRANCISCO, CA—Paper straws in the Golden City will now come with a 15-second self-destruct timer to help customers understand how close they are to having their straw dissolve into a pile of useless goo. The helpful timers...
Read MoreCONWAY, AR—Authorities discovered an incapacitated father Thursday night while following up on reports of a possible domestic disturbance. A father of five, identified as Aaron Wittle, was reportedly unable to help his wife...
Read MoreWINCHESTER, WV—Local introvert Esther Leigh surprised her husband of ten years Thursday by sitting him down and explaining that he’d been mispronouncing her name this whole time. “James, I’m sorry,”...
Read MoreEL SEGUNDO, CA—This morning, Mattel announced the launch of a new Barbie-themed toy: a pregnant Ken doll. The move has been hailed as an exciting step forward for trans inclusion. “Everyone needs to see themselves in their...
Read MorePORTLAND, OR—After careful study, marriage experts have concluded that a man who would choose to kill a baby to keep from being stuck with a woman is not really good husband material. “The willingness...
Read MoreCEDAR CITY, UT—Arnold Baker, a local antique shop owner, is hoping to get another four weeks out of his already flattened tube of toothpaste, say sources. The tube of Crest Charcoal has reportedly been “empty” for a week...
Read MoreHey, it’s Mother’s Day! That means it’s time to start thinking about shopping for Mother’s Day. But just because it’s the actual holiday, like, right now, doesn’t mean you can’t still...
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