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U.S. — Recent data from the Department of Health and Human Services indicates a decline in the American obesity rate as the practice of bullying fat kids has once again become publicly acceptable.

While public health analysts disagree on who exactly started calling out fatties on the playground again, there is broad consensus that these merciless bullies have led the charge in battling obesity.

“This is really great news for public health,” said Brad Kinley, HHS employee. “We were clueless what else to do after all of our school lunch and exercise initiatives failed time after time. Turns out, the answer all along was ruthless bullying.”

Kinley then briefly paused to jeer at a passing fat kid who was walking by. “Go eat some kale, McChuffins! The salad bar’s the other way, fatso!”

“So, as I was saying, this is a really excellent turn of events for America,” Kinley continued, as the fat kid ran away in tears. “Who knew the solution could be so simple and so easy?”

At publishing time, LGBTQ identification rates had also started to decline due to the resumption of calling things “gay.”

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