Why Are the Democrats Fetishizing Bathrooms?

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About 19 years ago, my wife asked me to come into the bathroom because there was something she wanted to show me. And I refused!

No offense, but I don’t wanna see… that.

She insisted, so eventually I went in. Turns out, she had just taken a pregnancy test and it was positive with our first kid. (Which was a vaguely important moment in our lives.) But I didn’t know that! 

At the time, all I knew was that her bathroom invitation sounded kinda gross: “No thank you, honey. No need for me to see anything in there. Send me a postcard if it’s really important.”

For most normal Americans, the whole trans-bathroom debate is equally bizarre. How the hell did this become a national issue? It seems like a strange, baffling (and smelly) hill to die on.

As a guy, I never felt particularly deprived by being excluded from the women’s bathroom. I mean, I know what goes on in the men’s bathroom, and it’s absolutely revolting. Entering the wrong gas station bathroom at the wrong time could trigger PTSD flashbacks. It’s frickin’ disgusting.

And given that I’m aware of human biology and the excretory process, I never felt the need to experience the female “end” of the bathroom equation firsthand. That’s not a visual I want! Look, I’ve got enough strange ideas and disturbing images floating in my head already; no need to grow the tally with new material.

In fact, I treat public bathrooms like I’m planning a bank robbery: Get in, get out, get on your way. (And make sure you have an alibi, lest things get messy.)

My literary muse for all things bathroom-related? Gotta be Cousin Eddie [language warning!]:

Number one, why are the Democrats so fixated on bathrooms? And number two, how did we reach the point where the Democrats are fetishizing going number one and number two?

For liberals, the transgender bathroom issue was always irresistible because it touched on so many of their pet causes: It further breaks down traditional gender barriers. It offers symbolic justice for transgender victims of the cisgender patriarchy. And it gives liberals an opportunity to create a new “universal human right”: The right to use the bathroom of your choice — and not your genitalia’s choice.

Furthermore, when conservatives expressed reluctance, they could be slammed as anti-LGBTQ+ bigots. (That’s a win-win, baby!)

In all honesty, politicizing bathrooms has always been a colossal waste of time. Not every social problem necessitates a statutory solution! Sometimes, it’s better, smarter, and far more efficient to deal with unpleasant anomalies as a one-off rather than enacting sweeping new rules, new regs, and new federal guidelines.

Like the old legal adage goes, hard cases make bad laws. 

But neither side is willing to bend in the culture war — because the moment one side cedes an inch, the other side tries to steal a mile. Compassion is interpreted as weakness; as such, conciliation is an impossibility. 

It’s a byproduct of our current political climate: When one side is pushing hard in one direction, it incentivizes an equally robust response. Public policy is akin to a mighty pendulum; the price of overreach is proportional blowback. And on the issue of trans-bathrooms, it’s the left that’s been charging hard, trying to change the culture. They’ve been relentlessly pushing forward for over a decade!

But now the pendulum is swinging the other way.

The biggest victims are nonpolitical trans Americans. The overwhelming majority of ‘em just want to live their lives with dignity and be left the hell alone. They never asked to be a pawn in the culture war! Of all the problems they’re facing — of all the obstacles and challenges in their day-to-day lives — very few are begging the government to codify where they can pee and poop. Their lot in life isn’t improved when fringe issues — like bathroom rights or biological men competing against biological women in combat sports — are pushed to the forefront.

Alas, the Democrats don’t really care about trans Americans’ long-term safety, security, or public acceptance. Instead, they’re just cannon fodder in the culture war — expendable pieces that you throw away after fetishizing. They’re useful (and disposable) idiots.

And trans people deserve better than that.