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I don’t have any kids, but if I did, I would be making them put down Roblox and stop watching some Estonian dude play Minecraft on Twitch to go out in the backyard (I also have a backyard in this hypothetical situation in addition to a kid… while we’re at it, I have a nice boat and an Aston Martin in the garage… I also have a garage), and we’d throw the pigskin around until both our hands turned into chopmeat and we had oozing blisters on our throwing hands. 

Why would I do something that sounds like it would get CPS called?

Because I just saw a photo of the house Chicago Bears QB Caleb Williams bought after a stellar collegiate career and three mediocre games in the National Football League. After you see it, you’ll probably go have a catch with your real (or hypothetical) kid too.

According to Glancer Magazine (in an article that was kind of long given the magazine’s name), Williams’ pricey pad is in Lake Forest, Illinois, and it has direct access to Lake Michigan.

I mean, dude, just look at this place…

Are you kidding me? That looks like Charles Foster Kane’s Xanadu for lack of a more timely reference.

Even if that house is a complete dump on the inside, it would be with the price, because if there are three things I know about real estate they’re location, location, and location.

But, guess what? It’s far from a dump. In fact, some would describe the interior as “palatial.”

If you can huck a football well enough to buy that house, paint your nails whatever color you want. Hell, wear one of those propellor hats for doofuses for all I care.

The Bears are 1-2 with Williams under center, and in those three games, he has 2 TDs, 630 yards, a 59.3 completion percentage, and one hell of a place to call home.