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It’s almost that time of year again, when corporations suddenly bathe themselves in rainbow colors overnight and vast mobs of drag queens roam the streets. With such troubling sights on the way, it can be challenging for Christians to know how to get ready.

The Babylon Bee has come up with the following list of ways Christians can prepare themselves for Pride Month:

  1. Gouge out your eyes with a fork: Some may think this a little extreme, but if you’ve ever seen clips of a Pride parade, this seems like a no-brainer.
  2. Retreat to your underground bunker until July 1: Wait, you don’t have an underground bunker?
  3. Cancel your Planet Fitness membership: Take a month off from working out and seeing 6’7″ bearded women named Jeff in the sauna.
  4. Put up signs for a new Subaru dealership with arrows pointing out of town: The gays will follow the signs out of town like an irresistible pied piper.
  5. Get your Lasik reversed: No confirmation if this is even possible, but at least ask an eye doctor to try.
  6. Hold a Chuck Norris movie marathon: The ripple effect of the raw, heterosexual masculinity reverberating from your TV will singlehandedly reverse all Pride Month effects.
  7. Move to Florida: We heard Pride Month is totally illegal there.

By following even a few of the tips listed above, you can take the proper precautions to protect yourself from the annual Pride Month onslaught.

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