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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a moving speech to the nation on Memorial Day, President Biden thanked all the fallen American servicemen for voting for him in the last election.

“Today, we honor our fallen,” said Biden, since that was what the teleprompter had told him to say. “The men and women of the armed forces who made the ultimate sacrifice, giving their lives for our great nation, and who then voted for me in 2020 despite being dead, deserve our humble thanks. Pause for silence but do not read these words as they are not part of the speech. End.”

Biden then stood rigid and silent for 12 minutes out of respect for the deceased before turning around to shake their hands.

Official records show approximately 100% of service members killed during Operation Iraqi Freedom, the Persian Gulf war, Vietnam, The Korean War, WWII, WWI, The Apache Wars, The Navajo War, The Civil War, The War of 1812, The First Barbary War, and the Revolutionary War all vote for Democrats.

“We’re not surprised to see such loyal Democrat support from these patriots,” said Camilla Barnes, a community organizer in charge of collecting fallen servicemember votes in Georgia. “Such heroes would never vote for evil Republicans.”

At publishing time, Biden had finally ended his speech and given the stage to Kamala Harris, who began her address with a series of inappropriate cackles.

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