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DETROIT — While delivering a speech at a local campaign event, President Joseph R. Biden thanked Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi for coming despite the fact he is now dead.

“Ebrahim, are you here? Where you at, Ebrahim? Stand up, man,” a confused Biden said, pausing his speech midway through a point about the climate so he could address the dead Iranian president. “We go way back, me and ole Ebby.”

President Raisi, who died in a helicopter crash Sunday, was not present because he was dead.

“Don’t leave me hangin’, man!” Biden persisted. “Classic, Raisi!”

As onlookers snickered, Biden seemingly believed he had latched on to a great joke and decided to milk it for all it was worth. “No, I’m serious!” he said. “I love ole Ebby. He’s a great butcher. Not a joke!”

Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre fielded press questions about the incident. “The president had the former president of Iran on his mind because of the recent news. It’s totally normal and not at all suspicious that he would suddenly think he was in the room with him,” Jean-Pierre said. “Everything is fine.”

Reporters asked her to clarify the matter. “Isn’t there a difference between accidentally saying someone’s name and actively thinking they’re in the room with you?”

“This is outrageous and uncalled for,” Jean-Pierre argued. “This President is working hard every day for the American people and I’m a black lesbian. Does that mean nothing to you ingrates?”

At publishing time, White House aides had clarified that Biden was talking about a different Ebrahim Raisi, an old friend of Biden’s who lives in Dearborn, Michigan, whom the president definitely has met many times and Biden is fine and perfectly healthy and nothing is wrong with him at all whatsoever.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.

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