SESAME STREET – The CDC has issued a lockdown advisory to the residents of Sesame Street after longtime roommates Bert and Ernie revealed they have both contracted Monkeypox.
“Our hearts go out to Bert and Ernie, who have been platonic and exclusive friends for many years now,” said Big Bird. “Luckily, they have both received the monkeypox vaccine and all 13 monkeypox boosters. We pray for their speedy recovery.”
“Hey there, Bert, I don’t know if that bathhouse in Madrid was worth it,” Ernie was heard saying as muppet CDC bolted the door to their studio apartment shut.
The CDC is urging local residents to take extra precautions and refrain from muppet sexual activity with Bert and Ernie, or anyone else in the area who happens to be covered in festering sores. They then released a detailed poster with advice on how to avoid the disease that no one on earth asked for.
At publishing time, Big Bird has also mysteriously come down with Monkeypox.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He’s doing his best to keep his chin up.