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President Biden has asked Congress to implement a federal gas tax holiday to help Americans deal with rising gas prices. If implemented, Americans can look forward to saving 18.4 cents a gallon on gas. We’ll all be rich!
Too bad the gas tax holiday is only supposed to last three months. Here are some taxes we think should be done away with forever:
1) Property tax: Does it seem weird to anyone else that we have to pay the government for the land we own free and clear…. forever?
2) Income tax: We shouldn’t be taxed on what we earn and what we spend. That’s double-dipping! Not cool, government!
3) Death tax: At least provide a refund for accidental disembowelment. The clean-up alone will cost a fortune.
4) Dad tax: Dads taking candy out of kids’ Halloween bags must be stopped.
5) Bridge tolls in Sherwood Forest: Why are the good guys and the bad guys taxing everyone in the Robin Hood story? Is Robin Hood actually good or a lesser evil? He still takes money from others and distributes it how he sees fit through a lens of favoritism the same as the crown. But Prince John stands for some semblance of law and order and Robin Hood and his merry men are anarchists at best. Is there will that justice be done or do they have socialist designs to eradicate the bourgeoisie and seize the means of production for the proletariat, thus turning themselves into the new elite that will inevitably dictate who has the right to work and who has the right to die?
6) Syntax: Grammar is racist.
7) Tax on unrealized gains from elaborate casino heists: So few people stage elaborate heists and get away with it. Doesn’t seem fair to tax us on the three million dollars we never stole.
8) Taxes on trade routes to the outer rim: If there had been no trade dispute, Qui-Gon Jinn would still be alive today.
9) Guns tax: All our writers are friggin’ RIPPED, so the guns tax is costly for us.
10) All taxation that is theft: Any tax that is theft should be paused forever. So, uh, yeah. That’s all of them.
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