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U.S.—Waffle House, a beloved national treasure and fast-food icon, has decided to expand outside its cozy diner market by producing its own line of scented candles. The Waffle House candles are designed to fill your home with that trademark scent of waffles and stale cigarettes.
“The authentic Waffle House experience can finally be had even when customers are not dining in with us,” said Marty Fishburne, a spokesman for Waffle House. “Now you can immediately fill your home with the unmistakable, welcoming aroma of fresh, golden brown waffles, as well as a stale, smoky thickness that seeps into everything it touches.”
“I fell into despair when I thought I could never hope to recapture the comfortable, homey Waffle House scent without decades of heavy chain-smoking and waffle making inside my home, but then I learned about Waffle House’s new candles!” said local mom Maggie Hampshire. “Now everything’s changed. I light my candle and immediately my home is smothered and covered with the perfect ashtray breakfast scent.”
The move from Waffle House has been met with unanimous praise. Moms across America are pleased they can give their children the authentic Waffle House experience without giving them lung cancer or witnessing a drug deal. Even retail giant Bed, Bath, & Beyond has stated that the candles have been their best seller ever and that the Waffle House candle is the only candle they stock now.
At publishing time, the Waffle House candles were updated to not only include the authentic cigarette and waffle smell, but also the scent of sweaty, stressed, and sleep-deprived employees too.
To celebrate Pride Month, Mattel has released its first-ever pregnant man doll: Pregnant Ken! You can have all sorts of fun with the clearly MALE Ken doll and his pregnant belly! Available wherever non-gender-specific toys are sold.