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WORLD—The world is in disbelief today upon hearing the news that Dr. Fauci, also known as the living embodiment of SCIENCE itself, has come down with COVID.

“How could this happen? What if SCIENCE dies? We’ll be lost! LOST WITHOUT SCIENCE!” cried Brian Stelter on CNN. “What does this mean? Is Fauci—blessings upon him—merely a human? I don’t know what’s true anymore!” Brian then curled up on the couch to have a good cry and watch A Christmas Kiss 2 on the Hallmark Channel.

Thousands of devoted followers of SCIENCE have gathered around the Fauci residence to call upon the powers of SCIENCE to defeat the COVID infection. Thousands more reported being shocked to hear COVID was still a thing.

Experts theorize that SCIENCE is possibly volunteering to take COVID upon himself for the whole world and are wondering why he didn’t do this two years ago. 

Fauci has assured his followers that he only anticipates having COVID for 3 days, after which he will rise again.

To celebrate Pride Month, Mattel has released its first-ever pregnant man doll: Pregnant Ken! You can have all sorts of fun with the clearly MALE Ken doll and his pregnant belly! Available wherever non-gender-specific toys are sold.

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