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U.S.—Chick-fil-A has finally come around to celebrating pride month this year. The fast-food company has announced that throughout June, all waffle fries will be covered in salt from Lot’s wife.

“Other companies go in for rainbow flags and squeezing in PRIDE everywhere they can, but we wanted our celebration of pride month to be a bit more…biblical,” said Dan Cathy at a recent press release. “Now with every delicious, perfectly seasoned bite of waffle fry customers will be reminded how God celebrates Pride.”

“Wow! That IS salty. Man, I needed this reminder to flee from sexual sin,” said Chick-fil-A patron Brenda Lovelace. “I don’t want to end up as a pillar of salt just like Lot’s wife!”

Much to Chick-fil-A’s surprise, this move to faithfully honor pride month has been met with intense backlash from the LGBT community. “WHAT?! You’re supposed to celebrate by changing all your bags to rainbow flags and putting Drag Queens in the playplace ball pit!” said queer-activist Brandley Xenus. “This doesn’t count!” 

At publishing time, Dan Cathy also announced that if you tell any employee the secret phrase “I take kids to Drag shows,” they will celebrate by tying a millstone to your neck and tossing you into the ocean.


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