We support our Publishers and Content Creators. You can view this story on their website by CLICKING HERE.

ROCKPORT, TX—Local man Bryan Coleman became exceedingly frustrated this morning as his devotional on patience was repeatedly interrupted by his needy kids.

“No! No one gets to have an owie! No one gets to be hungry!” yelled Mr. Coleman as he slammed his devotional shut. “Gah, WOULD EVERYONE PLEASE HUSH FOR JUST ONE MINUTE?!? I’M TRYING TO LEARN SOME PATIENCE HERE!!”

Mr. Coleman, having recently felt convicted to spend more alone time with the Lord, had decided to begin waking up fifteen minutes earlier for a daily devotion. His kids, however, responded in kind by also waking up fifteen minutes earlier. “I swear they know somehow. I wake up at 6:15, grab my cup of coffee, and literally, the moment I open my Bible—out comes the stampede,” said Mr. Coleman. “I wake up at 6:00—exact same thing happens! Do they lay awake at night plotting??”

With his attempts to wave off the children unsuccessful, Mr. Coleman begrudgingly doled out yogurt pouches, changed a diaper, and handed out clothes from the laundry.  He then managed to read a couple of Bible verses, surrounded by his gaggle of kids, before heading off to work. “Yeah, it doesn’t quite look like it used to, my so-called quiet times. But, I wouldn’t trade it for anything,” he said with a wink.

At publishing time, Mr. Coleman had begun a new devotional on self-control, just in time for his wife to bring home a surprise puppy.

In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.

Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube