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JULIETTE, GA—According to reporters, the Dillard family gathered over the weekend after coming to the sad conclusion that it was time to take away their beloved Nana’s  “@TrumpWonMAGAForeverXOXO” Twitter account after noticing a disturbing increase in unhinged tweetstorms.  

“In the past few weeks Ben Shapiro and Ann Coulter have both unfollowed her as she’s gotten a little too far right even for them,” explained her daughter Sally Beth. “We had to do something before the FBI came knocking again.” 

Nana had apparently been running the clandestine account with 672,324 followers devoting countless hours to promoting Trump as the One True President and savagely owning Libs, all while pretending to her family that she was just knitting.  

“Oh my, it sure has been fun,” said Nana to reporters. “Trump won! Those Libs I’ve been taking down with my deep knowledge of politics going back to the Kennedy years have no idea I’m just a sweet little ole Georgia grandma.” 

The family had known for some time that all the hand-knitted baby blankets and little hats Nana had given to the grandchildren were actually bought at the local Peach Antique Mall.  

“We’ve been monitoring her online activity since 2016 when she created the account,” explained her son Darrel. “We have a family chat group just to share and discuss Nana’s tweets, and frankly the grandkids have been red-pilled largely due to her epic tweetstorms about freedom and the Constitution. But it’s time. She’s getting more and more radical. And you know, Trump didn’t actually win in 2020. I mean, duh—everyone knows that.”

At publishing time, the family had gently removed her Twitter app from her phone and were explaining to her that she would fit right in on this new app called Truth Social with the One True President Trump. 


In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.


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