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ATLANTA, GA—Gubernatorial hopeful Brian Kemp defeated Sen David Perdue and Dr. Kandiss Taylor in this week’s Georgia primaries. Kemp and his team are now knee-deep in preparations to face off against sitting governor Stacey Abrams for the governorship in a race that’s sure to be an uphill battle.

According to Kemp campaign manager Stone McRabernathy, they are treating the gubernatorial challenge of Abrams very seriously. “Stacey Abrams has been governor for four years now. She’s got the experience, the clout, and the skin color. It’s an uphill battle for sure.”

According to recent polling data, Kemp is experiencing early trouble in the gubernatorial race because of repeated unfounded claims that he’s already governor. Political experts believe this may damage his chances if he doesn’t recognize Gov Stacey Abrams as Georgia’s supreme leader.

“I’ve been governor this whole time. What are you guys talking about?” said a bewildered Kemp to reporters with CNN. “I literally live in the Governor’s Mansion.”

Abrams, who has been living on the street like a homeless person so she can remain grounded in the lives of the common people, says she’s not worried about the November election. “The amount of voters is admittedly alarming, but Kemp is a cis-gendered white man who’s never been on Star Trek. I’m a shoo-in to win re-election!”

At publishing time, Kemp has been banned from Twitter for spreading dangerous disinformation that he signed legislation banning abortions after six weeks of pregnancy. His campaign is not expected to recover.


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